4 Practices to Build a Resilient Mindset and Make WFH Work.
Photo by Slim Emcee (UG) the poet Truth_From_Africa_Photography on Unsplash
It’s possible we're facing one of the biggest crisis in our life-time.
Like many, we’re under immense financial stress - three kids now being home schooled, I've lost all revenue with clients having to lay off thousands and refocus their efforts and my husband’s been unable to pay himself as he fights to keep his business afloat with the staff he has remaining.
BUT…
Despite the devastating impact this is having on our lives financially, there is a silver lining and that’s the opportunity we have to strip our lives back to the bare essentials and focus on what is truly matters - our relationships with each other, and our health and wellbeing.
I've been working from home for the past 5 years, but the added complexities of home schooling three kids is out of this world. What was once a quiet and pleasant experience, has suddenly turned into a hurricane.
It's not easy…
.. having kids at home while juggling work is tough
.. having never done this (work from home thing) before is tough
.. being an extrovert (if you are one) and missing out on social interactions is tough
.. having lost your job or your income is tough
.. having just started a job and worrying about whether you'll still have a job next week is tough
As we embark on this unprecedented level of complexity, I thought it would help to unpack my DO's and DON'T's - things I've learnt - mostly from the mistakes I've made - to make this working from home thing work - and by "making it work" I mean maintaining our mental and physical health and wellbeing, achieving a sense of satisfaction, fulfilment confidence, joy, dignity and connection in our relationships.
4 THINGS YOU CAN START DOING..
PRACTICE #1 Compassion - Be Kind to Yourself - It' Free.
Compassion must start with self. It's impossible to have compassion for others when we're not practicing it ourselves. What good is it if we have compassion for the man who serves us coffee, only to spend the entire day making ourselves wrong for.......everything.
The simple way forward. Firstly, lets remove any expectations you have about how you think life should look, how you think you should be, and what you think you should be doing or not doing... all these "shoulds" manifest as stress..
Remember, most worries are only in the mind, fix your thoughts and the rest will fall into place.
There are two practices I have to forward this game of compassion...
(1) Forgive yourself for everything - forgive yourself for what you did and didn't do today, forgive yourself for what you did and didn't do yesterday, forgive yourself for what you did and didn't do last week, last month, last year or any previous time in your life;
and/ OR.
(2) Focus on what's working instead of what's not - you'll be amazed at how much kinder you can be to yourself when you stop looking at what's not working, and all the mistakes you think you've made, and instead you focus on acknowledging yourself for even just the little things... like the fact you got out of bed, got dressed, home schooled three kids and showed up to work..
PRACTICE #2 Composure - Stop and Breathe (slowly and deeply)
There is no rush to achieve everything at once. While the world as we know it has shut down, and blessed us with the opportunity of taking a much needed break, it's very easy to fall into the habit of working about the clock without coming up for air.
If you're tired, overwhelmed, exhausted, burnout, stressed, sad or worse yet, depressed, it's time to stop. Give yourself a break. Take time out - even if it's 1min to have a glass of water, focus on your breathing and get present to the fact you're alive, that you have a roof over your head, that you have a job, that you have family.. all of that is a blessing worth breathing in.
The point here is to deregulate our limbic (dumb) brain, and regulate our prefrontal cortex - simply said, think smarter and more creatively, and minimise taking action from fight or flight.
My favourite practice - breathing slowly, deeply and mindfully when I get out of bed in the morning, when turning on the computer, making a cup of tea, and driving in the car (especially with the kids).
If you've never done it before, I recommend: The Wim Hoff Breathing Tutorial
PRACTICE #3 Health - Taking Care of Yourself is Not Selfish.
Give yourself some time to make mistakes and discover what works and what doesn't work for you - you must wok that out.l You are no good to anyone, if you fail think about what you need to make this work - especially if you have kids.
There are no hard and fast rules. So what if other people are saying the best way to do this is to be up at 6am, work through until 3pm, then have a break. That may not work for you or your family!
You must find a way to make what you're doing - to work from home - work for you and the people you live with - do what is right, for you.
Before you assist others, always put your oxygen mask on first.
Here's what I do..
I start with making a list of what I need to make it work, eg going for a walk as the very first thing you do for the day, shutting off devices after a certain time, calling a friend or family member at the start of your day to get clear about what's truly important, make a regular time during the day por week to talk with your boss or employees, making sure you feed yourself before you feed everyone else (unless of course you have a baby.
I then make a list of what doesn't work, eg picking up after everyone else because you think its your job, not asking for help and thinking you can handle it all on our own, working before 9am when the kids want our attention.
The last part is simple - do what I know to do and be consistent.
It may take a few days, or even a few weeks before you can settle into a routine - if needed, go back to practices 1 - Compassion and 2 - Stop and Breathe.
PRACTICE #4 Collaborating - Listening is a Gift to Help us Connect
We human beings are weird for connection, so we must find a way to keep ourselves in communication and connected with our family, friends and colleagues.
BUT, remember this, this is not an opportunity to focus on your own our self-interest. This is an opportunity to be self-less, to find out how other people are doing, to take your attention of your own problems just for a moment, to get some perspective on what its like for other people and to offer yourself for support.
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. .
As an aboriginal woman, I am deeply moved by what I believe is one of our most valuable and important skills, our most unique gift, perhaps the greatest gift we can give to our fellow Australians - we call it Dadirri - inner, deep listening and quiet, still awareness.
This is the gift that Australia is longing for.
My recommendation. Check out the composure activities in the Driven Resilience App - I use this personally and professionally. It's scientifically proven to improve our ability to connect, be calm and in control during difficult times - making it easier for us to be present with others, and to listen without judgement.
Download the Drive Resilience AI-Powered Coach (App) - use the code TPC-COVD to get 50% off (only $6 pm for 2 months, and 10% off every month thereafter - valid until May 25).
WHAT NOT TO DO - THE DONT's
Do not take the piss (just because you're working from home, being paid for 7hours a day, does not give you permission to sit on Netflix all day)
Follow other people's rules about how they do this working from home thing, just because you think you "should" - we have no idea what other people are dealing with and what works for them, may not necessarily work for you.
Agree to other peoples requests and secretly hide your resentment, like agreeing to a meeting and then not turning up, or turning up and not pay attention to what's being said. Its rude and worse yet, you're the one who ends up angry, disempowered and disengaged.
Agree to anything you have no intention of doing. Said another way, don't lie - like saying you're working when you're not - make sure you read "Without Integrity Nothing Works")
"An individual is whole and complete when their word is whole and complete, and their word is whole and complete when they honour their word"
Force your rules on the ways you like to work on others, ie manipulation, guilt. Its the quickest way to lose friends and influence (the opposite of Steven Covey's 7 habits of how to win friends and influence people)
These are just a few of my practices, my simple DO's and DON'Ts.
We are all in this together.
You are not alone.
If you want any support - book a FREE - no obligation call here.
In the meantime, Be Well,
Kylee
