3 Simple Practices to Disrupt the Status Quo and Achieve Your Goals
Image credit Alex Radelich, Unsplash
If you’re feeling anxious about the current situation and this weeks events, you’re not alone.
I am reminded this week of one of the most important aspects of success.
It’s got nothing to do with getting a better job, making more money, finding love, wealth or fame.
It’s called Congruence.
Simply put, congruence is when our thoughts, feelings and actions - and the results we’re seeing in life - are consistent with what we say we want - that is, our vision, values, purpose, mission and goals.
We all have a desire to live a happy, healthy and meaningful life.
But, our actions are not always consistent.
Emotional eating, skipping exercise due to low motivation, using alcohol to relax, spending money on unnecessary luxuries, arguing with kids, siblings or partner...
It’s not personal.
Take this week's events as a case in point.
Here we are slowly coming out of isolation and we have a crisis on our hands.
What happened to George Floyd is, without question, unconscionable.
But rather than get into a political or social debate, let’s talk about what’s really going on - which in my humble opinion is the opportunity to review our actions and determine whether they are consistent with what we say we want.
One caveat,
We may never find ourselves in a situation like that of the police, who are not only under intense scrutiny for their behaviour, but also under intense stress as the pressure of the economy and the financial situation plays havoc on the way people are living their life (at least in our lifetime).
As I say to my kids, there are NO excuses for bullying or brutality.
Bullying and brutality can show up in many different ways.
Whether it's physical, political, social or emotional,
We’ve all got a story.
When we experience any form of anger or rage, it’s a clear signal something’s out of whack.
Much like stress, rage is not a bad thing. It’s what we do with it that makes it so unconscionable. Rage, anger, stress - it’s all the result of some sort of demand in life, and we experience it when the demands are high.
Now, while there are plenty of ways to manage stress, notice how knowing that makes no difference?
The secret here,
We must find a way to stop reacting - where our brain operates in fight, flight or freeze; and be mindful of our actions - so we can use it - stress or any emotion for that matter - as a powerful motivator instead of a damaging hindrance.
No-one is perfect.
In fact, we all have had moments when we’ve done and said things we regret.
Despite knowing what’s right and wrong, good and bad, we all have our moments.
Now for the good news...
Given the impact of COVID, leaving many of you in the unfortunate situation of not having the funds to invest in a coach - for yourself, or your team - I’ve decided to take an action consistent with my own values and reveal my life’s work to be of service…
In 20 years of developing leaders - that is, someone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in themselves, (others and ideas) and has the courage to develop that potential - I discovered three simple practices to achieve Congruence.
I call it the A-Game: Acknowledgement, Accountability and Action.
These practices are guaranteed to disarm any situation (which I commonly refer to as disrupting the status quo) to achieve congruence - enabling you to take action in direct accordance with what you say you want (your vision, values, purpose and goals) - no matter what’s going on in life.
While they are simple, they are practices for a reason.
Practices take practice.
So let’s give it a go,
First, think of an area in your business, leadership or life that’s not working, or not working as well as you’d like it to - it could be your health, job or a relationship.
It can help to write it down, although it’s not essential.
Write down the area you picked, and make a note about what’s not working and how it makes you feel.
Before you get into the practices, I know this will be a challenge, because you’ll want to jump straight to the solution, turn the timer on your phone and set it for 2min.
Close your eyes and think about the issue you picked: “Where were you, what were you doing, who were you with, what was going on and how does it make you feel?”
Think about it for 2min while breathing slowly and deeply.
Once the 2min is up, come back and go through the following three practices..
1. The first practice is Acknowledgement.
Acknowledgement is an act of recognising the existence or truth of something. In which case, ask yourself, “What’s not working here, what’s really going on, what am I really upset or annoyed about and how does it make me feel?”
Identify the emotion by “labelling” it - labelling the emotion helps disrupt the process of reacting. You can do it alone, or with the person involved. The key here is to label it without reacting.
Remember, our brain is wired for avoiding pain and seeking pleasure, so don’t expect it to be easy. We’ve had over 20, 30, 40 or 50 years of practice in avoidance, so grant yourself a little compassion.
2. The second practice is Accountability.
While we have no control over what anyone else says or does, we do have control over how we respond. This is not to say we are to blame, or that it’s our fault; nor is it the other person's fault.
There are definitely times when someone needs to step up and take responsibility, but that’s not what we’re talking about here.
There is no blame in accountability. This is simply asking, “What can I do here that would move me, others and this situation forward in a way that is consistent with what I say I want, instead of waiting for the roll of the dice and seeing what other people will do?”
It’s not easy. But, With practice it works; and it does enable you and the person to succeed and move forward amicably. At the end of the day, we’re all doing the best we can with the resources we have available to us at the time.
3. The final practice is Action
I know, it sounds simple, and it is…
But at the same time, it’s Not because we spend days, months and sometimes years agonising over issues - not doing what we know to do. This final practice is an act of courage, of taking the action we know to take despite how we feel or what we might think.
This is about asking ourselves, “What is the one thing I can do that I know will move me, others and this situation forward?”
Again, It’s not easy.
But, again With practice it works. When we take action, despite how we feel, we realise we’re much stronger than we’ve been giving ourselves credit.
As Gandhi said, we must “BE the change we wish to see in the world”
The only access to performance, success, growth and innovation is to take action.
No action, no result.
It may not seem easy, and it is not.
There is no pressure to perform.
Whether we choose to take action or not, we have a say; just know the choice we make has consequences either way.
It seems ironic given this week's events, if you’re interested in what it looks like to take action in the face of adversity, listen to my interview on The Uncharted Leader this week with one of Australia’s leading indigenous athletes, 3x World Champion in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Shantelle Thompson on ‘Smashing Stereotypes and Changing the Narrative’
As always, if any of what I’ve shared here resonates and you’d like me to work with you or your team on discovering the power of your purpose and producing results consistent with what you say you want in business, leadership or life, let’s talk - book a no- obligation call with me here.
In the meantime,
Be well,
Kylee x
