The Power of Mentoring to Build Strong, Inclusive Collaborative Relationships
“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”
– Chinese Proverb.
If ever there was a time to invest in mentoring, the time is NOW!
Organisational leaders are increasingly recognising the value diversity and inclusion brings to profitability and growth - more specifically improving financial performance and creating a happier and more productive workforce.
Here’s just a few of the ‘‘17 Statistics Highlighting the Importance of Workplace Diversity and Inclusion”:
Inclusive companies are 1.7 times more likely to be innovation leaders
Sales revenue increases 15-fold among companies with high racial diversity
More than 3 in 4 job seekers are looking at diversity when deciding to accept a job offer
Bringing on-board specialist DEI teams to help leaders create a more inclusive workforce - from reviewing hiring practices to developing comprehensive updates on behavioural competencies, leadership frameworks and training programs is a great step forward and much needed in building the foundations.
When it comes to tapping into the hidden potential that lies in your organisation, we all know that systems, policies and procedures are insufficient - and not the true source of performance and growth.
Whether you’re a large organisation with a dedicated team or a small-to-medium sized business with very little resources, bringing a coach in-house can help your leadership team unlock the (hidden) barriers to performance and focus on what really matters - and what really matters is delivering on the organisations purpose, to have a positive impact on your community and customers.
Mentoring is just one of the many ways a in-house coach can help leaders embrace the efforts of their strategic plans - including their DEI strategy - to create a happier, more productive and resilient workforce.
As a mentor, they bring additional knowledge, skills and experience to help people develop and grow. As a coach they provide laser sharp insights and guidance to help people go beyond the hidden barriers (biases and perspectives) to reach their full potential.
What Are The Benefits To A Business Or Organisation?
The benefits of mentoring are linked to an increase in productivity, engagement and knowledge as well as improved leadership, communication and management skills.
Bringing onboard a coach to mentor leaders can rapidly boost confidence levels beyond what is predictable, alleviate stress and overcome challenges that are hidden because of concerns of vulnerability, job security and - believe it or not - a perception of incompetence if not seen to have all the answers.
The business benefits are proven to accelerate personal growth and performance, retention and transferable people skills - especially useful for leadership development and providing a platform for consistency in KPI assessment and accountability.
92% of companies invest in mentoring to promote learning, reduce employee turnover and develop, grow and retain skills and expertise within the organisation (Source)
Companies with mentoring programs are far more resilient to quitting and disengagement and record 3x higher median profits (Source)
94% of employees would stay longer if offered opportunities to learn and grow (Source)
Of employees who leave within 2 years: 71% think that their leadership skills are not being fully developed. 57% feel that they are being overlooked for potential leadership positions (Source)
Download The Uncharted Leader podcast and listen to the interview Founder and CEO Kylee Stone had with Simone Allan, CEO of The Mentor Evolution about the value of mentoring and surrounding yourself with people who have your back.
“A leader is someone who walks by your side” - Simone
Ignite Your Passion and Amplify the Impact You Have in the World!
Download The Uncharted Leader Podcast ‘The Power of Mentoring ‘ on Apple iTunes or Spotify.
Book a call with Kylee to discover the power of mentoring to connect people with the organisation’s purpose and consider the value of an in-house coach to elevate the hidden leadership potential in your organisation.
Follow Kylee on LinkedIn + Instagram for inspiration on how to listen, live and lead with purpose and the latest updates on leadership transformation, resilience and wellbeing.
Podcast proudly presented by The Performance Code
Optimising Connections and Creating A Healthy, High-Performing, Resilient Brain
Source: HelloDriven.com
“Psychological resilience refers to the ability to use personal qualities to withstand pressure” - David Fletcher
The brain is full of connections that encode our personality, knowledge, beliefs, thoughts, and actions.
When we’re born, the brain comes ‘preconfigured’ with certain connections. Then, through early childhood, the brain learns and adapts to our experiences.
Because the brain is adapted to survive physical threats, like wild animals hunting, the brain isn't prepared to deal with the kind of complex challenges we face these days - by default it prefers to get enraged and fight, or run away.
By the time we’re adults, the brain full of old connections that can lead to unhelpful thoughts and behaviours.
🎭 The relationships between the PreFrontel Cortex(PFC) and the LimBic brain (LB)
.
The LB has a lot of control over the PFC - if it detects any sense of danger - panic, fear or anxiety, it reduces functioning of the PFC - making it harder to solve problems, think clearly and respond constructively while on your feet.
Frequent and strong activation of the LB, which is something we can almost guarantee is happening during a global pandemic, can result in:
Creation of powerful fear-based memories from traumatic experiences, leading to long-term risk of stress-related diseases and PTSD
Accumulation of stressful experiences that result in burnout and feeling overwhelmed
Causing over-awareness of and sensitivity to danger, even in non-dangerous situations, leading to anxiety disorders
🛡 Strengthening the right connections
📈THE UNTRAINED BRAIN
Here you can see an untrained brain of someone that gets from a High to Extreme level of LB activation for most of these events.
Public speaking, loud noise feeling like you did the wrong think and being addressed by a superior are all events that may occur as a threat. The above is a diagram of an untrained brain of someone that gets from a High to Extreme level of LB activation for most of these events.
Imagine being this person. Maybe this is like you? What do you imagine its’ like for this person, or what is is like for you when you experience any one of these events?
Fortunately, we can teach the PFC to control the LB. As we practice resilience skills and techniques, we build connections between the PFC and the LB, connections that teach the LB what it should and should not be activated by.
The less the LB activates, the better we are at embracing and advancing despite difficult or challenging situations and the more calm and in control we become.
📈THE resilient brain
Here we see Low and Medium levels of LB activation, which is better for feeling calm and in control.
CreATING NEW CONNECTIONS
The brain can be rewired to form new connections, break old habits and unhelpful ways of thinking, and build new, healthy and resilient habits.
How does it work?
Learn new skills that mange the activation of the limbic brand (LB) and actively maximise the potential of the prefrontal cortex (PFC)
Practice, practice, practice
The combinations of these two aspects make you the master of your brain, helping you keep this biological machine strengthened.
Take a moment and reflect on where you experienced practicing something new, and over time you naturally get better at it.
Repetition builds new neural connections. It’s exactly the same for building resilience and mental agility. It also means we can’t just read about it, we need to practice it and live it for our brain to become stronger.
🗜 want to learn more?
If you’d like to learn more about the six strategies for building mental resilience, to be calm and in-control, to have healthy response to the circumstances in life such that you can advance as a leader and achieve your dreams while faced with adversity, contact us by using our online contact form, send an email with your contact details or book a no-obligation consultation with Kylee Stone here.
Reference: Hello Driven, the leaders in scientifically proven resilience assessments & training programs
Are you punching below your weight?
I don’t need to tell you things are bad!
I’ve been trying to stay positive, but I gotta tell you “I’m as mad as hell!”
The US just declared the highest number of fatalities (2,800) in a single day since the beginning of COVID, and one of my loved ones, who after a year of chronic stress resulting in lupus, called “I’m going into hospital for a major back fusion”.
What the heck!?!?
I started going down the rabbit hole.
You know the one where we transport ourselves into a world of chaos, upset, angry and (in some instances) pigheaded about all the injustices in the world?
It was like watching a scene out of the matrix.
The bullets came flying and, just like Neo, I swiftly intervened..
“.. my response to what’s happening, says more about me then it does about what’s actually happening - so what’s going on with you, why are you so angry?”
What came next surprised me.
Simply put,
I’ve been punching below my weight, afraid of making a mistake and (believe it or not) looking for evidence about why life’s so screwed up - as if it gets me off the hook for not taking the actions I know to take!
Fortunately, one of the things I have mastered is knowing that anger, for me, is an automatic response to one very simple thing: being afraid.
I’ve been confronted with so many decisions lately and quite frankly I got to the point where I just didn’t want to play anymore!
I was afraid of making the wrong decision, so I buried my head in the sand (secretly) hoping it would all just go away.
Crazy right? Wrong!
Think about it.
How many decisions are you dealing with right now?
Christmas, finances, relationships, family, friends, kids, holidays, career, business….
It's not easy.
But,
What if it was simple?
The good news, it is simple and I come bearing the gifts.
Today is the release of the final episode in a 5 week series on ‘How to Make Hard Decisions Easy' with Paul Gordon, the CEO of Catalyze APAC and expert on decision thinking.
Paul’s an expert on how to influence others in the decision making process when you have no explicit power. He's worked with senior learners in major federal government departments and large corporates across Australia, New Zealand and the UK facilitating hundreds of billions of dollars of value.
Download the entire series on iTunes, Spotify or The Performance Code.
Thought of the Week:
“A leader is someone who causes and enables others to lead and fulfill their own potential. They are someone who is open, authentic and has the courage to say when they don’t have the answer”
Ignite Your Passion & Be A Leader
Subscribe to the The Uncharted Leader Podcast on iTunes, Spotify or Stitcher.
Amplify the impact you have in the world? Book a call with me here - a conversation costs nothing, but worth a fortune.
Got a story to tell? Join me for a conversation on The Uncharted Leader Podcast- send an email with a link to your website, bio or LinkedIn profile.
One final note...
If you like a bit of humour and you're interested in "Punching above your weight" join me and get up out of your chair, go to the window, open the window and yell at the top of your lungs... "I'm Mad as Hell and I'm Not Going to Take it Anymore"...
Be sure to forward the email to the important people in your life - you just never know the difference you’ll be making in their business, leadership and life.
Have a remarkable week and, as always, be well,
Kylee x
Integrity - A Foundation of Great Leadership, A Great Personal Life and A Great Organisation.
“Integrity is a matter of a person’s word – nothing more and nothing less” - Michael Jensen
One of the most valuable lessons I ever learnt when it comes to integrity, is the what I came to believe about integrity - what I knew and was taught - was insufficient for the life I was committed to creating and living.
How did that happen?
Let’s look at the definition of integrity from the dictionary:
1. the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.
2. the quality or state of being unimpaired; perfect condition; soundness.
Can you see where I (and most people) screw up?
The definitions assume integrity has to do with (1) “morality” or (2) “perfection.
By definition morality is concerned with the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behaviour.
In this case, if we have integrity, we good and right. If we don’t have integrity, we are bad and wrong.
That’s not really empowering is it?
As for the second definition, “unimpaired and perfect condition”
That’s just great! I don’t know about you, but I’m certainly not perfect and I am also not unimpaired. I am a perfectly imperfect and impaired human.
So what now?
If integrity really is a necessary foundation in the game of performance and being a great leader, where does that leave us?
Quite frankly, it leaves me in constant state of disappointment.
To operate with integrity, we need a new view, a new interpretation and a new model of integrity - one that is consistent with who we are as a human being to be and act consistent with who we say we are and what we say we want.
Being A Person or an Organisation of Integrity:
In this new model, for a person or an organisation, integrity is a matter of a person (or organisation’s) word being whole and complete — nothing more, nothing less.
Here we use the phrase ‘whole and complete’ to represent the definition of integrity. Defined this way, integrity is a positive phenomenon, not a virtue.
There is nothing inherently good or bad, right or wrong about it - it is just the way it is.
In this definition integrity is the foundation of workability and trust that is required to create the maximum opportunity for performance.
According to the research, and paper, by the authors of this new model, the law of integrity states: As integrity declines, workability declines and as workability declines, value (or more generally, the opportunity for performance) declines.
Attempting to violate the law of integrity generates painful consequences just as surely as attempting to violate the law of gravity. Put simply (and somewhat overstated): “Without integrity nothing works.”
Think of this as a heuristic: If you or your organization operates in life as though this heuristic is true, performance will increase dramatically. And the impact on performance is huge: easily in the range of 100% to 500%.
Honouring Your Word vs Keeping Your Word.
While keeping your word is fundamentally important in life, you will not be able to always keep your word (unless you are playing a small game in life). However, you can always honor your word. Honoring your word is:
Keeping your word, OR
Whenever you will not be keeping your word, just as soon as you become aware that you will not be keeping your word (including not keeping your word on time) saying to everyone impacted:
That you acknowledge you will not be keeping your word, and
That you will keep that word in the future and by when, or that you won’t be keeping your word at all, and
doing what ever you need to deal with the impact on others of the failure of your not keeping your word (or keeping it on time).
The Bad News?
We can say with great confidence that no-one is a person or organisation completely in integrity. That self-satisfied view is one of the causes of the universal lack of integrity in the world.
The common belief that we have made it as people and organisations of integrity is one of the major factors contributing to the systemic worldwide lack of integrity.
The fact remains, integrity is a “mountain with no top,” so we had better get used to (and grow to like) climbing.
Even when people (and other human entities, such as banks, corporations, partnerships, and other organizations) have some general awareness of the damaging effects of out-of-integrity behaviour, for the most part they fail to notice their own out-of-integrity behaviours.
As a result, they end up attributing the damage from their out-of-integrity behaviour to other causes. They systematically believe that they are in integrity, or if by chance they are at the moment aware of being out of integrity, they believe that they will soon get back into integrity.
However, the combination of 1) generally not seeing our own out-of-integrity behaviour, 2) believing that we are a person of integrity 100% of the time, and 3) even when we get a glimpse of our own out-of-integrity behaviour, satisfying ourselves with the notion that we will soon restore ourselves to being a person of integrity keeps us from seeing that integrity is a mountain with no top.
To be a person of integrity requires that we recognise that integrity is a mountain with no top, and being joyfully engaged in the climb, leaves us as individuals with power, and leaves us known by others as authentic, and as men or women (a team or an organisation) of integrity.
While counterintuitive, owning up to any out-of-integrity behaviour and dealing with it with ‘honour’ leaves one showing up for others as a person of integrity.
Acknowledging that we will never ‘get there’ also opens us up a tolerance of (and an ability to see and deal productively and powerfully with) our own out-of-integrity behaviour as well as that of others.
What’s the cost of dealing with a person, team or organisation when there is a lack of integrity?
Consider the experience of dealing with an object that lacks integrity. Say a car or bicycle. When it is not whole and complete (e.g a component is missing or malfunctioning) it becomes unreliable, and unpredictable, and it creates those characteristics in our lives.
The car fails in traffic, we create a traffic jam, we are late for appointments, fail to perform, disappoint our partners, associates, the team … and so on
In effect, the out-of-integrity car creates a lack of integrity in our life with all sorts of unworkability fallout. This is true of all our associations with persons or entities that are out of integrity. The effects are huge, but generally attributed to something other than the lack of integrity.
The Good News?
Honouring one’s word is truly an amazing phenomenon, one that myself and my colleagues are eager for people to implement in their business, with their teams, in their own leadership and in their personal life.
Want to know more about how you can embed the simple practices of integrity in your business, leadership or life?
Book a call with me!
A conversation cost nothing, but may be worth an absolute fortune.
Like What You Read?
Subscribe to the The Uncharted Leader Podcast on iTunes, Spotify or Stitcher.
Build your brand and amplifying the impact you have in the world? Book a call with me here - a conversation costs nothing, but worth a fortune.
Got a story to tell? Join me for a conversation on The Uncharted Leader Podcast- send an email with a link to your website, bio or LinkedIn profile.
Be sure to forward the email to the important people in your life - you just never know the difference you’ll be making in their business, leadership and life.
Have a remarkable week and, as always, be well,
Kylee x
Reference: information presented in this article has been adopted from the past 20 years in my training together with excerpts from the article ‘Without Integrity Nothing Works’ by Michael Jensen.
Dr. Michael C. Jensen is the Jesse Isidor Straus Professor of Business Administration, Emeritus at Harvard Business School. He has played an important role in the academic discussion of the capital asset pricing model, stock options policy, and corporate governance. See Dr. Jensen’s full biography
Werner H. Erhard is recognized worldwide as a business, management, and humanitarian leader. He has consulted for numerous corporations and charitable and governmental agencies. See Werner Erhard’s full biography
You can view a PDF version of the full research paper here, from the Social Science Research Network.
Resilience helps the most successful and strong-minded people find a healthy path
COVID has triggered a global financial crisis and due to strict adoption of lockdown measures, the magnitude of poor mental health is increasing across the world. The ‘New Normal’ hopes to bring a positive outcome, but the fear and uncertainty of the current climate is making it challenging for people to thrive through difficult times.
Prolonged, excessive stress can cause you, or your top talent, to suffer from work-related ill health – either operating at reduced capacity below their potential, or absent from the organisation entirely due to sick-leave.
Resilience helps even the most successful and strong-minded people find a healthy path to cope with stress, fear and anxiety. Developing resilience and being mentally fit will make you, the people you care about and the community stronger.
Unfortunately executives, leaders and business owners, a group of highly-talented, responsible people are less likely to ask for help – but they are the linchpins of your organisation, so finding a way to invest in a science-backed resilience program that goes beyond bouncing back is one of the best investments you can make.
Read the full story - 9 Ways to Build Resilience and Tackle Mental Health Problems
Kylee Stone, The Performance Code Founder and CEO | Commentator & Expert on Leadership Transformation, Resilience and Wellbeing, Host of The Uncharted Leader Podcast | Global Ambassador, Driven Resilience, The Mentor Evolution and Flexible Working Day is available for media interviews and appearances. more
Download The Uncharted Leader Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify
Teamwork is Hard Work, so How do we make the Dream Work?
Teamwork definitely makes the dreamwork!
And yet, whether in business, sport or our personal lives, getting a team from what psychologist Bruce Tuckman defined as a consistent path to being highly proficient and highly effective - forming, storming, norming and performing - is not easy.
In 2015 I made the brave leap out of 23+ years in corporate to launch TEAM Women Australia, a NFP organisation designed to unite women from different backgrounds, cultures, experiences and interests to advance as a leader despite adversity.
I’d come out of 2 years intensive training specialising in transformational communication causing teams and teamwork, and an executive role where I was part of many teams, steering committees, leading local teams and engaging diverse regional teams.
Despite the experience, it’s been a rocky road. So, it’s fitting that we start with “What’s NOT working?”
When we take an honest look, out performance in teams is not good. In fact, for the most part it’s hard work.
“What makes teamwork so difficult and how can we make the dream work?”
With the privilege of having a foot in both camps, as an employee and a coach, and getting the ‘behind the scenes’ complaints about the problems, here’s what I discovered - see if any resonates with you…
1. The biggest problem is the illusion of positivity - we present with good, well-meaning intentions, when the truth is, most of us have a hidden bias about teams and teamwork.
Think about it,
What it was like when you were at uni or high school and it came time to the first group assignment?
At first we’re overwhelmed with joy at the thought of getting together as a group, then reality sets in. A group of high-achievers mixed with chilled-out she’ll-be-right-mate hippies who are only in uni for the social connection; people who don’t know when to stop talking mixed with people who are to afraid to speak up for fear of what others will think, and a mix of people desperate for a HD with those who are happy with scraping by with a pass.
Whether it’s at school, in sport or in business, when we get into a team, the reality is most of us struggle.
2. There’s no leadership. Some of us wait for others to take the lead, while some of us compensate for the inefficiency in others by taking control while making everyone else wrong for their lack of contribution. #recipefordisaster
3. No-one feels safe to speak up for fear of saying the wrong thing, looking the fool or worse yet, getting sacked for not complying with those in higher ranks.
4. No-ones really listening. Most are interested in giving their own opinions, and getting their message across. All the meanwhile, those who are supposedly listening are not really listening, they’re busy judging and assessing whether they agree or disagree, think it’s bad or good, right or wrong, leaving no-one with the experience of being heard.
There you have it.
Teamwork is hard work and despite our desire to connect, we struggle.
The very first, and necessary, step is to assess our own bias, “Do I have resistance to working in a team? What is the resistance - what are the reasons I have for wanting to work in a team and equally what are the reasons I have for not wanting to work in a team?
It doesn’t matter how others show up, all the reasons we have for why we do or don’t want to work in a team will not only determine our experience of the team, it will determine the results we get.
Despite good intentions of optimising performance, the conversation we have with ourselves (and in some cases, the conversation we have with others) that’s not out there in the public domain, referred to as the “unsaid” or “unspoken” communication about teamwork, is what determines our effectiveness.
How do you create an environment for teams and teamwork?
Firstly, there is no quick-fix, nor any fixed rules.
A team’s performance is dependent on the individuals involved, their previous experience of working in a team, how new or old the team is and the environment they’re operating in.
That said, there is one very simple thing I learnt that’s an absolute game changer - and let me qualify, my inputs are not from some text book, but rather from my experience as a player, a leader, a facilitator and a coach in developing leaders in the game of performance, aligning people on purpose and building teams.
Ready for it?
The game changer is: The Conversation.
Change The Conversation, Change Your Life - and the results you get.
What do I mean by “The conversation”?
Let’s go back to where we started…
What’s the conversation you’re having with yourself about teams and teamwork?
What conversation are you having (with yourself, or with others) about the people on the team?
What conversation are you having with your colleagues about teams and teamwork - the one that you’re not willing to talk about publicly?
What conversation are you having with yourself about your experience of working in a team - what works, what doesn’t work, what should you be on the lookout for, what beliefs do you have?
Once you’ve answered these questions and the other people on the team have answered these questions; then and only then can you create a future were everyone - and I mean everyone - is aligned, clear and in action.
What conversations could you have to make the dreamwork?
Let’s talk about context,
1. Conversations for a background of relatedness.
This is like a great first date. There is an appreciation for who is in the room, their skills, talents, what they bring and why they are there. It is a conversation that allows people to feel connected, heard and appreciated. Without this, you have nothing AND by the way, this is one of the biggest complains I hear of people - I don’t feel heard or appreciated.
2. Conversations about Vision and Purpose
You’d like to think that most people are clear about these, and that they are very simple. But unfortunately not; in fact its one of the easiest assumptions and biggest pitfalls. Is everyone in the room clear about the vision - what the future looks like, and the Purpose - the reason why you’re doing it? If you do not have a clear vision or a clear purpose, and if people are not aligned and CLEAR about this, they have no power, freedom or confidence to effectively and autonomously make a decision to act.
3. Conversations for clear, conscious and purpose-aligned action
I can’t tell you how many team meetings I’ve been to, or conversations I’ve had with people where there is no clear commitment or communication about the action, or what’s next - who is doing what and by when. Whether it’s making a request or a promise, there must be a conversation for clear and conscious (purpose and goal-aligned) action.
4. Conversations for acknowledgement, accountability and completion
Yet again, I can’t tell you how many complaints I’ve heard from people who don’t feel valued and appreciated, or complaints about who is to blame or who’s fault it is why something isn’t working. While these conversations are often the hardest, they actually provide the most joy - just think about how good it feels when someone acknowledges you for your contribution and equally how good it feels when someone is willing to acknowledge the elephant in the room - it's incredibly liberating for everyone involved!
What now?
Well, you may wish to assess the current performance of your team, check to see whether you’ve got these steps covered, and if not, give it a crack! See what you can transform, when you get what’s happening in the conversations, and take on one practice at at time!
In the meantime, you may wish to ask yourself…
How’s your team performance?
Are you getting the best from your people when it comes to team performance?
Are you showing up being the best you can be when it comes to your performance in the team?
What if the conversations you were having could literally transform your performance, and the performance of your business, leadership and life?
Book a no-obligation conversation with me and let’s (1) get to know each other (2) see what’s possible and (3) take an action and (4) complete with power.
Misery or Mastery - The Opportunity to Change Our Relationship with The World
You’ve probably heard sayings like:
“It’s not what happens that matters but how we react to what happens (that matters)”
OR
“It’s not about the situation or the circumstance, it’s about how we handle it”
Cliche or not, there is something profound in Acknowledging that how we react to what happens around us, including how we respond to what other people say and do, says a lot about the future and our ability to thrive and master a great life!
In extreme cases, for good or bad, a momentary reaction can influence, if not shape, our entire reality - not just in that moment, but for the next 5 (10, 20) years.
From the moment we get out of bed we’re reacting (consciously or not) to what’s happening around us; and while the majority of our reactions are incidental, they do play a significant role in our future.
Simply put, that little voice in our head has a lot to say AND it’s a pretty good indicator of our ability to thrive and positively influence our performance and wellbeing.
In an environment of scarcity, it's easy to find ourselves in a habit of reacting negatively.
For many, the question “what can I learn from this” doesn’t feature as much as the “Why do these morans make my life so miserable?” or “Why is this happening to me?”.
Why do these morans make my life so miserable?
The sooner we realise there is a simple way to shift our thinking, from reaction to creation, the sooner we will realise that its possible to have a great day, every day, despite what happens around us.
The sooner we take action in our own lives, to clean up the messes and inconsistencies in our own behaviours, the sooner we can move from chaos into clarity, calm, courage, confidence and creativity… (and much much more)
The secret here is realising that while we do exist in a physical world, we do most of our living in our head and with practice we can master our thoughts, feelings and reactions.
So what is the opportunity we have to change our relationship with the world?
Well, thanks to what we know about the brain, one of the most important principles when it comes to mastering our reactions, is our Health.
You may be wondering, “What does taking care of my health have to do with mastering a great life?
Firstly, you may be surprised to discover there are 24 million listings on Google for Gut-Brain connection. Without going into detail, simply put “your gut and brain are connected physically through millions of nerves, most importantly the vagus nerve. The gut and its microbes also control inflammation and make many different compounds that can affect brain health”.
The gut-brain connection is no joke; it can link anxiety to stomach problems and vice versa.
Its no surprise then that you’ll find Health - including nutrition, movement and sleep - as the foundation of a resilient mindset and in today’s climate, resilience is the one of the hidden gems when it comes to creating a life that is congruent with our vision, values, mission and goals - and ultimately enhancing performance and wellbeing.
Taking care of our health is simple, but it’s not easy.
Whether its emotional eating, using alcohol to relax or poor nutrition thanks to the insane amount of sugar in most foods (did you know there’s 5 grams of sugar in milk!?!?), changing life-long habits is not easy.
My top three tips:
Focus on one thing at a time
If you’re removing alcohol from your diet, don’t go taking on a new exercise regime at the same time. The key to success is success itself.
Surround yourself with others who have the same goals.
It's much easier to achieve your goals when you have the support of others who are up against the same challenges and have a commitment to going beyond those challenges.
Just start.
There’s not a single person who doesn’t think about needing to take better care of their health, the only difference between those who do and those who don’t, are those who take action.
If you’d like to join me on my next 28-day challenge to take better care of your health and advance towards your goals despite uncertainty, you can register here - at only $28 for 28 days, how could you say no!
There is no time like the present.
If you’re not thriving, it’s impossible to expect anyone around us to thrive (including our employees and kids).
The 28-Day Challenge is just one way of developing mastery in living an A-Game Life - 3 Simple Practices for Disrupting the Status Quo and Achieving Your Goals
When we take action despite how we feel or what we think, we realise we are much stronger than we give ourselves credit for.
Thought of the week:
"Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right" - Henry Ford
Overcome any obstacle and discover your purpose, passion and potential..
The most basic question everyone faces at some point in their life is:
“Why am I here? What is my purpose?”
“The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for” - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
There are 1.3m results on google to Discover Your Purpose, 1.8 million books on Purpose and 461k listings on Purpose-Driven Businesses. Why has the desire to work for a purpose-driven business and live our life based on purpose become so important?
We're in an era that demands the transformation of oneself to navigate disruption, lead with compassion and achieve our goals - where putting ‘people’ before profit is considered the source to performance.
So, what’s going on that so many of us are not quite getting it right - is it that we’re just at the beginning of our change journey and there’s still something to be discovered?
A survey by PwC discovered that 79% of business leaders believe that an organisation’s purpose is central to business success, yet 68% shared that purpose is not used as a guidepost in leadership decision making processes within their organisation. Interesting?
According to the same study, millennials who have a strong connection to purpose are 5.3 times more likely to stay, but the vast majority still remain disengaged and only 33% draw real meaning from their purpose. Interesting?
So, what’s the problem?
The gap between what we believe our purpose to be and what our actions suggest our purpose is.
Let’s put this in perspective and see how it looks in our own life.
What is your purpose - what are your values and strengths and how do you connect with others? Are your actions consistent with what you say you want? Can you authentically say that your thoughts, feelings and actions are consistent with your purpose?
My story …
I’m very good at creating a compelling vision, setting goals and achieving them; but as for my actions being consistent with my values - well, let’s just say that’s an interesting and infinite journey of self-discovery.
What I do know for sure is that it wasn’t until I had kids and found myself stuck between desperately wanting to stay in a job I loved and feeling obligated to be at home that I really discovered what it takes to be in action and pursue our passion no matter what shows up.
It was April 2010, I had three kids in the space of three years and without flexible options for senior leaders, I was relegated to a part-time role where I had no team and was now officially an ‘outsider’. Within months I was frustrated, bored and (if I’m really exposed and honest) resentful.
Despite putting on the ‘just get on with it’ attitude, I was now one of the 85% of people unhappy in their job. I stuck at it for three years while doing the work to rewrite my future - worked on my values and strengths, updated my resume with all my accomplishments, went back to uni for post-grad studies, got a coach and signed up a mentor as part of my transition into change management.
I started a mentoring group for women who were dealing with the same frustrations; and it was going well. That was until March 5 2014 when I got the devastating news that a colleague, and friend, lost his life to suicide. He was in his 40s and had two kids. That same day, my son’s 7th birthday, my husband's business went into administration and we were at risk of losing our home.
It sounds crazy, but despite it being one of the most challenging times of my life, it was during this period I discovered a sense of fulfilment and freedom I’d never previously experienced.
That year, I launched a mentoring organisation for women, I left my high-paying salary to start a business, and I travelled internationally as one of 38 leaders facilitating one of the world’s leading programs in transformational leadership and communication.
All of a sudden, I was on fire!
It wasn’t easy, but (as it turns out, when you have the right structures) it was surprisingly simple.
I came out of that experience recognising that “as with any crisis, there’s always a valuable lesson to be learnt”. The key is to learn that lesson while you’re in the fire, not when out the other side and burnt to a crisp.
I am reminded of that lesson again this week, specifically of the importance of being clear about our purpose and having the right resources in place to navigate complexity and take action consistent with what we say we want.
Psychologists have been studying how long-term, meaningful goals that change the lives of others help to foster a sense of purpose and (perhaps more importantly) play a crucial role in our mental and physical health and wellbeing.
While I was “on fire” (mentally) I wasn’t taking care of myself physically - thinking I could eat pretty much what I wanted, drink alcohol and burn the candle at both ends pursuing my purpose - until I got a rude shock in August 2015 and was diagnosed with an auto-immune condition.
Forced into lockdown, I put everything on hold to rebuild my physical and mental wellbeing - a year of appointments with specialists, acupuncture, kinesiology, yoga, going to the gym, cleaning up my diet and (after years of talking about it, finally starting) meditation - you name it, I did it!
“I thought having kids is tough, this (feeling like you’ve got no control) is much worse”
I was doing pretty good, until August 2107 (we never forget the days that alter our life) after a 12 hour day facilitating my first workshop since taking time off. I came home and discovered nothing had been done around the house. Nothing out the ordinary given I’d been at home the last year and was doing it all.
Accept this time, I was too exhausted to sort it out and quite frankly given I’d worked all day I thought, “it’s not my job to to pick up after everyone else”.
Two days later I bumped into a friend who was planning a trip to New York. I couldn’t jump in quick enough. Within 2 weeks, we were on a flight heading to New York - I WAS OUT OF THERE!
Ten days without anyone else to worry about - no-one nagging me to organise dinner, no-one nagging me about what was for breakfast or lunch, no-one nagging me about the mess in the house; I can eat what I want, do what I want and I don’t have to worry about compromising to satisfy anyone else!
It was a transformational trip!
Sitting in the Guggenheim, overlooking Central Park having spent an hour reminiscing my love of art, I “woke up” to one of the biggest obstacles that had been preventing me from taking actions consistent with my own purpose my entire life - I’d been putting all my effort into worrying about what other people thought of me, making sure I was doing all the things to take care of others, doing what I thought would be the 'right thing by other people, because (wait for it) I had a deep-rooted fear that if I didn’t I’d be neglected or indeed rejected!
From the age of 8, going to 6 different schools in 7 years, I’d become masterful in trying to make friends, by focussing on doing what they were doing, that I’d simply never mastered the skill of paying attention to my own needs - and how to have those needs met while still caring about my relationship with others.
No surprise I became an introvert - that’s one way to make sure you get what you need!
I came home from New York renewed; but soon discovered old habits die hard and this baby wasn’t going down without a fight.
I managed to make a year before I fell into the same pattern - focussing on others and doing what I thought would make other people happy, being overly concerned about what (I thought) other people would think and if what I said or did would piss someone off, and as a result wasn’t taking actions consistent with two of my most important values - courage and compassion.
We are creatures of habit. So you can just imagine what I did?
That’s right, I escaped.
Two weeks in isolation. No kids, no husband, no-one to nag me, no-one else to take care of, no-one else to disrupt me when I’m doing what I want, and no worrying about whether I would upset or disappoint anyone else.
I quit eating sugar, gave up alcohol, stopped watching tv, took myself off social media and with the exception of a few phone calls, I cut off all addictions - everything that was helping me escape from the underlying pain of not fulfilling on my own life’s purpose and failing at taking actions consistent with my own values.
It was an emotional roller-coaster.
Again, I came home from that trip renewed. This time with a deep level of awareness I’d never experience, clarity of purpose but more importantly clarity of my own limitations, the triggers and barriers that were preventing me - as a human being - from taking actions consistent with what I said I wanted.
It took some adjustment, but I went to work on making a lot of changes - I made sure I honoured my word with the kids discipline, I stopped putting my efforts into helping others, I caught up on all the things I’d been putting off (like taxes) and I stayed off stimulants like sugar and alcohol.
It wasn’t about changing anyone else - despite thinking it was - it was about changing the way I was reacting to what was happening around me; it was about being clear about my values and what I was doing to set myself up for failure and repeat the same old disruptive habits.
What became evident is that taking actions consistent with our purpose - our vision, values, mission and goals is not easy; but it is what gives us the strength, resilience and courage we need to overcome any obstacle and navigate any crisis in life.
In fact, it turns out that - instead of turning to work, drugs, alcohol, eating, gambling or, amongst other addictions, spending money on unnecessary possessions, holidays and luxuries - when we are 100% clear about our purpose (our vision, values, mission and goals) and 100% clear about our own disruptive habits that get in the way of us taking actions consistent with that purpose, there really is nothing that can stop us.
This really is the perfect time to be discovering your purpose.
It took me three separate occasions of being in lockdown (in isolation) to do the work. Thankfully, when we apply the lessons of those who have gone before us, it doesn’t have to be so difficult. So what are the simple things and the simple practices I discovered - that are now empowering my clients to elevate their potential and ignite their passion…
3 things you can do...
Take Good Care of Your Health - Remove Sugar & Alcohol - its not easy, but it is simple. Remember old habits die hard, so this is a game of endurance.
Try it out for 28 days and see what happens. If you’ve never done it before, be forgiving as you make adjustments and expect to go a little crazy - some call it ‘HANGRY’. If you’d like some help, join me on one of my 28 Day Challenges - surrounding yourself with others committed to the same transformation makes it easier and certainly more enjoyable.
Live A Minimalist Life - Stop spending money on unnecessary luxuries - better yet, get rid of any luxury items (like the expensive cars excess toys and devices) and donate the proceeds to charity.
Sounds easy, but again this is not as easy as you might expect. In fact, I’m pretty sure had anyone suggested I sell my luxuries as a way to discover my passion and purpose, I’d think they were a lunatic!
I sold my Audi Q7 and now drive a Toyota - I won’t get into the psychology of it, you just trust me on this one - who you’d have to become to no longer drive the Audi, BMW, Mercedes or whatever luxury car you drive - would be unrecognisable.
Identify & Define Your Values - Complete Dr John DeMartini’s ‘Determine Your Values’ assessment. The great thing about DeMartini’s assessment is that it’s not about picking a set of values you think are ‘good’, it’s about identifying the values that shape the way you actually live your life - your core values.
Our values are the foundation of our purpose - if we truly value compassion and we’re not acting with compassion towards ourselves or the people around us, its unlikely we’ll ever produce results consistent with what we say we want in business, leadership or life.
There are more certainly more activities to unpack our purpose; but this is a great start!
My best piece of advice on this one, is to never give up and always practice compassion - forgive yourself for what doesn’t work and get back on the horse!
If you get stuck and you can’t find a way through - apply the following practices - a guaranteed process for getting you out of the ordinary (current situation) and into the extraordinary (the desired future).
The A-Game: 3 simple practices ..
Acknowledgement . We can’t change what we don’t acknowledge. If somethings not working, stop the action, breathe and give yourself some time to think. Ask yourself, “what’s going on that I am not paying attention to - what do I need to acknowledge - what is the thought, the feeling or action I’m taking that’s not working here?”
Accountability. We have no control over what’s happening around us, but we do have 100% control over how we respond and what we decided to do. Ask yourself “what can I do here to make change happen, instead of waiting for the roll of the dice and seeing what others will do?
Action: Nothing changes unless you take action. It sounds easy, but its not because we get stuck for days, months even years not taking action on the things we know to do (eg I want to lose weight or improve my fitness and health, but I’m not giving up drinking alcohol, life’s too short). This is a new approach to taking action - COURAGEOUS action - take action despite what you think, how you feel or what you believe.
That’s it for now…
Go forth, do the work.
Put it into practice. Discover your purpose, ignite your passion, enhance your wellbeing and produce results consistent with what you say you want.
And remember, ‘a thousand mile journey begins with one single step’. Be kind to yourself and others along the way, for everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about.
Be well,
Kylee x
The 4 Foundations of A Great Life, Great Leadership, and A Great Organization
Photo by Mathias Jensen on Unsplash
In this article we explore the four ways of being identified as constituting the foundations for being a leader and the effective exercise of leadership - the same foundations discovered for a high quality personal life and an extraordinary organisation.
Let’s start with a brief overview of each of these four foundations before going into an expanded discussion of each.
A copy of the video of the ceremonies is available at Video: The Three Foundations of a Great Life, Great Leadership, and a Great Organization.
Being authentic:
This involves being true to what you say you are or what others believe you to be. One cannot pretend to be authentic. The only way to be truly authentic is to find your real self. This again builds trust almost instantly. You no longer need to cover up since you have nothing to hide.
Being the cause in the matter:
One has to take the position that whatever is happening around them, we are the cause of it. That is not to say that we are to blame if something goes wrong, but it is the belief that we have the power to change it. This prevents people from feeling like victims in the event of things going wrong and ultimately leads to peace within.
Being committed to something bigger than yourself:
You have to be committed to something beyond your family, wealth, power or fame. The absence of such commitment is what leads to the so-called mid-life crisis. We all wake up one day and ask ourselves, “Is this all there is?" And no matter how famous or wealthy one gets, inevitably everyone goes through this crisis. This comes about as we are living and at some point start measuring time by the number of years we are left to live rather than the time we have already lived and what we have already achieved. What gets you out of this crisis is if you are committed to a greater cause. For instance, the health and welfare of India as a nation.
Being A Person or an Organization of Integrity:
In this new model, integrity for anything is the state of being whole, complete, unbroken, sound, in perfect condition. For a person and any human organization, integrity is a matter of that person’s word or that organization’s word being whole and complete — nothing more and nothing less. Integrity is required to create the maximum opportunity for performance and quickly generate trust.
A Word About Values
In this discussion we are not concerned with values — that is, we are not concerned with what is considered good as opposed to bad, or right as opposed to wrong.
We advocate these four principles not because they are “right,” but simply because they are in each individual’s personal self-interest and in each organization’s self-interest. These insights into the actual nature and function of the four aspects of the foundation for great transformational leadership, great organizations, and a great personal life create workability, trust, peace, joy, and private and social value.
They provide a path for individuals, organizations, and societies to realize much of what people generally think ethics and morality produce.
And, if we look at the state of the world around us, obviously that latter path has not worked.
Foundation 1: Being Authentic
Being authentic is being and acting consistent with who you hold yourself out to be for others, and who you hold yourself to be for yourself.
Surprisingly, there is nothing authentic about any attempt to be authentic. Any attempt to be authentic on top of our inauthenticities is like putting cake frosting on cow dung, thinking that will make the cow dung go down well. In any case, the attempt to be authentic is a put on and therefore inauthentic.
One cannot pretend to be authentic. That, by definition, is inauthentic. Remarkably, the only path to being authentic is being authentic about one’s inauthenticities. Being authentic is being willing to discover, confront, and tell the truth about your inauthenticities — where you are not being genuine, real, or authentic.
Specifically, being authentic is being willing to discover, confront, and tell the truth about where in your life you are not being or acting consistent with who you hold yourself out to be for others, or not being or acting consistent with who you hold yourself to be for yourself.
Most of us think of ourselves as being authentic; however, each of us in certain situations, and each of us in certain ways, is consistently inauthentic.
Some Examples of Our Inauthenticities
We all - people and organisations - desperately want to be admired. And yet, almost none of us is willing to confront just how much we want to be admired, and how readily we will fudge on being straightforward and completely honest in a situation where we perceive doing so threatens us with a loss of admiration.
We will do almost anything to avoid the loss of admiration — stretch the truth, manipulate the facts, hide what might be embarrassing or unpleasant or even awkward and, where required, outright lie.
We all want to be seen by our colleagues as being loyal, protesting that loyalty is a virtue even in situations where the truth is that we are acting “loyal” solely to avoid the loss of admiration. And, in such situations, how ready we are to sacrifice authenticity to maintain the pretense of being loyal, when the truth is that we are “being loyal” only because we fear losing the admiration of our close colleagues, subordinates, or bosses.
In addition, most of us have a pathetic need for looking good (and in certain situations this shows up as wanting to be liked), and almost none of us is willing to confront just how much we care about looking good — even to the extent of the silliness of pretending to have followed and understood something when we haven’t.
Each of us is inauthentic in certain ways. While this may sound like a description of this or that person you know, it actually describes each of us — including you the reader and each of us authors. We are all guilty of being small in these ways — it comes with being human.
If you cannot find the courage to be authentic about your inauthenticities, you can forget about being a great leader or having a great personal life. And an organization that cannot be authentic about it’s inauthenticities will experience great conflicts, costs, and inevitably loss of reputation.
Great leaders, great organizations, and those who lead great personal lives are noteworthy in having come to grips with these foibles of being human, not eliminating them, but being the master of them.
Is Being Authentic Important to Being a Leader?
Quoting former Medtronics CEO and now Harvard Business School Professor of Leadership Bill George: “After years of studying leaders and their traits, I believe that leadership begins and ends with authenticity.”
To be a leader and to have a great organization and to have a truly great personal life, you and your organization must be big enough to be authentic about your inauthenticities and your organization’s inauthenticities. This kind of bigness is a sign of power, and is so interpreted by others.
Being a leader requires that you be absolutely authentic, and true authenticity begins with being authentic about your inauthenticities; and almost no one does this.
The Actionable Access to Authenticity
The only path to authenticity is being authentic about your inauthenticities. In order to achieve this you must find in yourself, that “self” that leaves you free to be authentic about your inauthenticities. That “self,” is the one required to be authentic about your inauthenticities.
And you will know when this process is complete when you are free to be publicly authentic about your inauthenticities, and have experienced the freedom, courage, and peace of mind that comes from doing so. And this is especially so when you are authentic with those around you for whom those inauthenticities matter (and who are likely to be aware of them in any case).
FOUNDATION 2: Being Cause in the Matter
By “Being Cause in the Matter” we mean being cause in the matter of everything in your life as a stand you take for yourself and life, and acting from that stand. To take the stand that you are cause in the matter contrasts with it being your fault, or that you failed, or that you are to blame, or even that you did it.
It is not true that you are the cause of everything in your life. That you are the cause of everything in your life is a place to stand from which to view and deal with life, a place that exists solely as a matter of your choice. The stand that one is cause in the matter is a declaration, not an assertion of fact.
It simply says: “You can count on me (and, I can count on me) to look at and deal with life from the perspective of my being cause in the matter.”
Being Cause in the Matter Means You Give Up the Right to Be a Victim
When you have taken the stand (declared) that you are cause in the matter of your life, it means that you give up the right to assign cause to the circumstances or to others. That is you give up the right to be a victim. At the same time, taking this stand does not prevent you from holding others responsible.
As we said, it is not true that you are the cause of everything in your life. Being cause in the matter does not mean that you are taking on the burden of or being blamed for or praised for anything in the matter. And, taking the stand that you are cause in the matter does not mean that you won’t fail.
However, when you have mastered this aspect of the foundation required for being a leader and exercising leadership effectively, you will experience a state change in effectiveness and power in dealing with the challenges of leadership and living a great personal life (not to mention the challenges of creating a great organization).
In taking the stand that you are the cause of everything in your life, you give up the right to blame others or the environment. In fact, you give up the right to blame the circumstances for anything that is going on with you or your organization.
FOUNDATION 3: Being Committed to Something Bigger than Oneself
What we mean by “being committed to something bigger than oneself” is being committed in a way that shapes one’s being and actions so that your ways of being and acting are in the service of realizing something beyond your personal concerns for yourself — beyond a direct personal payoff.
As they are acted on, such commitments create something to which others can also be committed and have the sense that their lives are about something bigger than themselves. This is an important aspect of a great personal life, great leadership, and a great organization.
Being Committed to Something Bigger than Oneself is the Source of Passion
Without the passion that comes from being committed to something bigger than yourself, you are unlikely to persevere in the valley of tears that is an inevitable experience in the lives of all true leaders. Times when nothing goes right, there is no way, no help is available, nothing there except what you can do to find something in yourself — the strength to persevere in the face of impossible, insurmountable hurdles and barriers. And, by the way, every great personal life includes having to come to grips with one or more of these profound challenges.
When you are committed to something bigger than yourself and you reach down inside you will find the strength to continue (joy in the labor of).
Examples of a Valley of Tears that Almost Everyone Experiences: The Mid-Life Crisis
At some point in life we all stop measuring time from the beginning and start measuring it from the end. It shifts from how far have I come to how much time and opportunity do I have left?
No matter how good you look, no matter how good you’ve gotten your family to look, and no matter how much wealth, fame, power, and position you have amassed, you will experience a profound lack of fulfillment — the incompleteness, emptiness, and pain expressed by the common question: Is this all there is?
Let us be clear: There is nothing inherently wrong with wealth, good looks, fame, power, or position, but, contrary to almost universal belief, they will never be enough. And facing up to that leaves people and organizations disoriented, disturbed, and lost.
No matter how good you look or how much you have personally amassed, it will never be enough to avoid this crisis. Dealing with the crisis of “Is this all there is?” lies in having a commitment to the realization of a future (a cause) that leaves you with a passion for living.
This principle, being committed to something bigger than oneself, applies to corporate entities as well as to human beings. Value creation for both is the scorecard for success. Value creation is not the source of corporate or personal passion and energy. Being committed to something bigger than oneself is the source of that passion and energy. Every individual and every organization has the power to choose that commitment — there is no “right answer.” It is creating what lights up you and your organization.
FOUNDATION 4: Integrity - A New Model
Definition: We use the first two definitions of integrity from Webster’s New World Dictionary: 1. the quality or state of being complete; unbroken condition; wholeness; entirety 2. the quality or state of being unimpaired; perfect condition; soundness.
We use the phrase “whole and complete” to represent our definition of integrity. Defined this way, integrity is a positive phenomenon, not a virtue. There is nothing inherently good or bad about it, it is just the way the world is. (We show how morality and ethics are related to our definition of integrity below.)
An object has integrity when it is whole and complete. Any diminution in whole and complete results in a diminution in workability. Think of a wheel with missing spokes, it is not whole and complete. It will become out-of-round, work less well, and eventually stop working entirely. Likewise, a system has integrity when it is whole and complete.
The Law of Integrity states: As integrity (whole and complete) declines, workability declines, and as workability declines, value (or more generally, the opportunity for performance) declines. Thus, the maximization of whatever performance measure you choose requires integrity.
Attempting to violate the Law of Integrity generates painful consequences just as surely as attempting to violate the law of gravity. Put simply (and somewhat overstated): “Without integrity nothing works.” Think of this as a heuristic: If you or your organization operates in life as though this heuristic is true, performance will increase dramatically. And the impact on performance is huge: easily in the range of 100% to 500%.
Integrity for a Person (Or An Organization)
In this positive model, integrity for a person is a matter of a person’s word, nothing more and nothing less. You are a man or woman of integrity, and enjoy the benefits thereof, when your word is whole and complete. Your word includes the speaking of your actions as in “actions speak louder than words.”
Honoring Your Word
While keeping your word is fundamentally important in life, you will not be able to always keep your word (unless you are playing a small game in life). However, you can always honor your word. Honoring your word is:
Keeping your word, OR
Whenever you will not be keeping your word, just as soon as you become aware that you will not be keeping your word (including not keeping your word on time) saying to everyone impacted:
i. That you will not be keeping your word, and
ii. That you will keep that word in the future and by when, or that you won’t be keeping that word at all, and
iii. What you will do to deal with the impact on others of the failure to keep your word (or to keep it on time).
The Bad News
We can say with great confidence that no one (including us authors) is a person or organization completely in integrity. That self-satisfied view is one of the causes of the universal lack of integrity in the world.
The common belief that we have made it as people and organizations of integrity is one of the major factors contributing to the systemic worldwide lack of integrity.
The fact is integrity is a “mountain with no top,” so we had better get used to (and grow to like) climbing. Even when people (and other human entities, such as banks, corporations, partnerships, and other organizations) have some general awareness of the damaging effects of out-of-integrity behavior, for the most part they fail to notice their own out-of-integrity behavior.
As a result, they end up attributing the damage from their out-of-integrity behavior to other causes. They systematically believe that they are in integrity, or if by chance they are at the moment aware of being out of integrity, they believe that they will soon get back into integrity.
However, the combination of 1) generally not seeing our own out-of-integrity behavior, 2) believing that we are persons of integrity, and 3) even when we get a glimpse of our own out-of-integrity behavior, assuaging ourselves with the notion that we will soon restore ourselves to being a person of integrity keeps us from seeing that in fact integrity is a mountain with no top.
To be a person of integrity (or bank or other organization of integrity) requires that we recognize this and “learn to enjoy climbing.” Knowing that integrity is a mountain with no top, and being joyfully engaged in the climb, leaves us as individuals with power, and leaves us known by others as authentic, and as men or women of integrity (or organizations of integrity).
While counterintuitive, owning up to any out-of-integrity behavior and dealing with it with “honor” actually leaves one showing up for others as a person of integrity. Recognizing that we will never “get there” also opens us up to tolerance of (and an ability to see and deal productively with) our own out-of-integrity behavior as well as that of others.
The Costs of Dealing with an Object, Person, Group, or Entity that is Out of Integrity
Consider the experience of dealing with an object that lacks integrity. Say a car or bicycle. When it is not whole and complete and unbroken (that is a component is missing or malfunctioning) it becomes unreliable, unpredictable, and it creates those characteristics in our lives. The car fails in traffic, we create a traffic jam, we are late for appointments, fail to perform, disappoint our partners, associates, and firms.
In effect, the out-of-integrity car creates a lack of integrity in our life with all sorts of unworkability fallout. And this is true of all our associations with persons or entities that are out of integrity. The effects are huge, but generally attributed to something other than the lack of integrity.
Dr. Michael C. Jensen is the Jesse Isidor Straus Professor of Business Administration, Emeritus at Harvard Business School. He has played an important role in the academic discussion of the capital asset pricing model, stock options policy, and corporate governance. See Dr. Jensen’s full biography
Werner H. Erhard is recognized worldwide as a business, management, and humanitarian leader. He has consulted for numerous corporations and charitable and governmental agencies. See Werner Erhard’s full biography
You can view a PDF version of the full research paper here, from the Social Science Research Network.
3 Simple Practices to Disrupt the Status Quo and Achieve Your Goals
Image credit Alex Radelich, Unsplash
If you’re feeling anxious about the current situation and this weeks events, you’re not alone.
I am reminded this week of one of the most important aspects of success.
It’s got nothing to do with getting a better job, making more money, finding love, wealth or fame.
It’s called Congruence.
Simply put, congruence is when our thoughts, feelings and actions - and the results we’re seeing in life - are consistent with what we say we want - that is, our vision, values, purpose, mission and goals.
We all have a desire to live a happy, healthy and meaningful life.
But, our actions are not always consistent.
Emotional eating, skipping exercise due to low motivation, using alcohol to relax, spending money on unnecessary luxuries, arguing with kids, siblings or partner...
It’s not personal.
Take this week's events as a case in point.
Here we are slowly coming out of isolation and we have a crisis on our hands.
What happened to George Floyd is, without question, unconscionable.
But rather than get into a political or social debate, let’s talk about what’s really going on - which in my humble opinion is the opportunity to review our actions and determine whether they are consistent with what we say we want.
One caveat,
We may never find ourselves in a situation like that of the police, who are not only under intense scrutiny for their behaviour, but also under intense stress as the pressure of the economy and the financial situation plays havoc on the way people are living their life (at least in our lifetime).
As I say to my kids, there are NO excuses for bullying or brutality.
Bullying and brutality can show up in many different ways.
Whether it's physical, political, social or emotional,
We’ve all got a story.
When we experience any form of anger or rage, it’s a clear signal something’s out of whack.
Much like stress, rage is not a bad thing. It’s what we do with it that makes it so unconscionable. Rage, anger, stress - it’s all the result of some sort of demand in life, and we experience it when the demands are high.
Now, while there are plenty of ways to manage stress, notice how knowing that makes no difference?
The secret here,
We must find a way to stop reacting - where our brain operates in fight, flight or freeze; and be mindful of our actions - so we can use it - stress or any emotion for that matter - as a powerful motivator instead of a damaging hindrance.
No-one is perfect.
In fact, we all have had moments when we’ve done and said things we regret.
Despite knowing what’s right and wrong, good and bad, we all have our moments.
Now for the good news...
Given the impact of COVID, leaving many of you in the unfortunate situation of not having the funds to invest in a coach - for yourself, or your team - I’ve decided to take an action consistent with my own values and reveal my life’s work to be of service…
In 20 years of developing leaders - that is, someone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in themselves, (others and ideas) and has the courage to develop that potential - I discovered three simple practices to achieve Congruence.
I call it the A-Game: Acknowledgement, Accountability and Action.
These practices are guaranteed to disarm any situation (which I commonly refer to as disrupting the status quo) to achieve congruence - enabling you to take action in direct accordance with what you say you want (your vision, values, purpose and goals) - no matter what’s going on in life.
While they are simple, they are practices for a reason.
Practices take practice.
So let’s give it a go,
First, think of an area in your business, leadership or life that’s not working, or not working as well as you’d like it to - it could be your health, job or a relationship.
It can help to write it down, although it’s not essential.
Write down the area you picked, and make a note about what’s not working and how it makes you feel.
Before you get into the practices, I know this will be a challenge, because you’ll want to jump straight to the solution, turn the timer on your phone and set it for 2min.
Close your eyes and think about the issue you picked: “Where were you, what were you doing, who were you with, what was going on and how does it make you feel?”
Think about it for 2min while breathing slowly and deeply.
Once the 2min is up, come back and go through the following three practices..
1. The first practice is Acknowledgement.
Acknowledgement is an act of recognising the existence or truth of something. In which case, ask yourself, “What’s not working here, what’s really going on, what am I really upset or annoyed about and how does it make me feel?”
Identify the emotion by “labelling” it - labelling the emotion helps disrupt the process of reacting. You can do it alone, or with the person involved. The key here is to label it without reacting.
Remember, our brain is wired for avoiding pain and seeking pleasure, so don’t expect it to be easy. We’ve had over 20, 30, 40 or 50 years of practice in avoidance, so grant yourself a little compassion.
2. The second practice is Accountability.
While we have no control over what anyone else says or does, we do have control over how we respond. This is not to say we are to blame, or that it’s our fault; nor is it the other person's fault.
There are definitely times when someone needs to step up and take responsibility, but that’s not what we’re talking about here.
There is no blame in accountability. This is simply asking, “What can I do here that would move me, others and this situation forward in a way that is consistent with what I say I want, instead of waiting for the roll of the dice and seeing what other people will do?”
It’s not easy. But, With practice it works; and it does enable you and the person to succeed and move forward amicably. At the end of the day, we’re all doing the best we can with the resources we have available to us at the time.
3. The final practice is Action
I know, it sounds simple, and it is…
But at the same time, it’s Not because we spend days, months and sometimes years agonising over issues - not doing what we know to do. This final practice is an act of courage, of taking the action we know to take despite how we feel or what we might think.
This is about asking ourselves, “What is the one thing I can do that I know will move me, others and this situation forward?”
Again, It’s not easy.
But, again With practice it works. When we take action, despite how we feel, we realise we’re much stronger than we’ve been giving ourselves credit.
As Gandhi said, we must “BE the change we wish to see in the world”
The only access to performance, success, growth and innovation is to take action.
No action, no result.
It may not seem easy, and it is not.
There is no pressure to perform.
Whether we choose to take action or not, we have a say; just know the choice we make has consequences either way.
It seems ironic given this week's events, if you’re interested in what it looks like to take action in the face of adversity, listen to my interview on The Uncharted Leader this week with one of Australia’s leading indigenous athletes, 3x World Champion in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Shantelle Thompson on ‘Smashing Stereotypes and Changing the Narrative’
As always, if any of what I’ve shared here resonates and you’d like me to work with you or your team on discovering the power of your purpose and producing results consistent with what you say you want in business, leadership or life, let’s talk - book a no- obligation call with me here.
In the meantime,
Be well,
Kylee x
The Body is the Foundation for a Healthy Mind
Why is it important to remove sugar from our diet?
Well there are many scientific reasons, and many benefits, so it really does depend on what's important to you; BUT what I can tell you with absolute certainty is that whatever reason you choose to take on the challenge - to quit sugar - you can be guaranteed of having more energy, vitality and happiness than ever before.
Diagnosed with an auto-immune condition in 2015 was a massive wake-up call.
Despite a life-time of taking pride in my health and fitness - having done a couple of half-marathons, countless triathlons and working as a coach and personal trainer - I had become complacent (and ignorant) about what I was putting into my body.
My story...
It started on July 23, 2015. I had a huge couple of months - a week in the US for training, a couple of weeks flying solo with kids on school holidays (because someone - me - forgot to book them into school care) and 5 days facilitating a program in Perth for over 60 people.
It was a big load. I didn’t think much about it at the time (that was a lesson in itself), but it eventually took its toll. I wasn’t getting enough exercise, I wasn’t paying attention to what I was eating, I certainly wasn’t drinking enough water, nor was I getting enough “down-time” - and I was ending the day with a glass of wine or two (ok, sometimes a bottle) - no big deal when it comes to unwinding from a huge day at work right!?!? #wrong
I got a call on the Monday afternoon, my husband panicking that kids hadn’t been picked up from school. Initially I thought “well, there’s not much I can do about it, and he’s ok to handle it”. The following afternoon, on the flight home, kicking back with a glass of wine and downloading (a Nicholas Spark film) ‘The Long-Ride Home” I fell to pieces...
“I can’t do this anymore, I need to simplify my life..”
I spent the entire flight crying, got home, saw my kids and spent the following four days in bed - battling exhaustion, burnout, anxiety and depression.
It took everything I had to pick up the phone to call my coach, but thank god I did, because that conversation was all I needed to get myself out of bed, quit worrying about work and just put one foot in front of another.. and that’s all I did for the next 4 days...
Day 1, walk out the front door. Day 2, walk around the block. Day 3, walk a bit further. By Day 4 I had the strength to get myself to the doctor. Having suffered post-natal depression in 2009 (after my second child), he says “you’re already on the register for depression, so we need to recommend you take medication”. While desperately needing answers, I said “I’ll do it as long as we explore other options - there’s got to be another way”
It took three months of blood-tests and visits to specialists before I was diagnosed with an auto-immune condition, ‘Hashimoto’s” - my immune system cells were attacking the thyroid gland, and the resulting inflammation and destruction of thyroid tissue was reducing the thyroid's ability to make hormones resulting in tiredness, depression, weight gain, poor memory, aching muscles plus...
I stopped work to focus on my health - acupuncture, kinesiology, chiropractic treatments, going to the gym, removing sugar and alcohol from of my diet. It took three years to make lasting changes in my habits; none more so powerful than when I discovered the benefits of removing sugar out of my diet.
Why is Quitting Sugar Good 4 Us?
Get your Auto-Immune into remission without drugs (if you’re lucky enough - but this is all dependent on your Drs Advice - it worked for me, but we I get we are all different)
Weight loss. ... (I lost 43cm and 13kg in the first 3 months)
An amazing amount of clarity in creative thinking and solving complex problems
Increased energy, vitality, strength and endurance
Rewire the brain with a more positive outlook on life and being able to see opportunity in the challenges around you - in yourself, others and the world
You will become better looking - clear eyes, skin and healthy glow inside-out
A deep sense of confidence, courage, compassion and connection with the people in your life
Increased resourcefulness, ability to plan for and anticipate future challenges
It’s not easy, but it is simple.
Whether its simple sugars, refined sugars, additives or the sugar we consume in alcohol - it doesn’t happen overnight. We are creatures of habit, and while habits take much longer than 21 days to change (so I discovered), getting started is hard and staying on track can be harder…
Left: Sept 2017 at 71kg with an auto-immune condition and unable to lose weight. Right: March 2018 at 60 kg after removing sugar and alcohol from my diet.
Here are five of my favourite lessons:
Starting is hard, but staying on track is harder. Being consistent is the key and making sure you have daily practices to remind yourself to stay on track helps.
Focus on making one small change at a time. Best not to start a new job, or a new exercise regime at the same time as taking out sugar. If you take out sugar, just start with one meal at a time, and perhaps just cut refined sugars before gradually taking out alcohol and grains.
Surround yourself with people who are committed to being a winner in playing the game - we are much more likely to succeed when we surround ourselves with a tribe! This doesn’t mean the people need to be quitting sugar with you, but they sure do need to support you in achieving your goals!
Be Kind to Yourself. It takes time to make a change. Don’t ever beat up on yourself if you slip up or you don’t stick to the plan all the time. We are human.
Find an altenative reward system. If drinking alcohol or eating high-sugar foods is a way to reward yourself, find a new reward, e.g massage, a relaxing bath, a walk, catching up with a friend for a healthy lunch or herbal tea - and definitely take milk out, no more lattes with milk, try swapping for almond milk or go black.
That’s it for now!!
Remember, we can’t change what’s happening in the world around us - but if there is one thing we have 100% control over, its what we put in our body and given our body is the foundation of a healthy mind, its a great place to start.
The good news.
You don’t have to do this alone.
I’ve done all the work to work out a simple process to help you disrupt old ways of thinking and ignite your passion so you can achieve your gals.
Check out our 28-Day Wellbeing Challenge and surround yourself with the motivation and support you need to kick a habit - quit sugar and alcohol, reduce spending money on unnecessary things, stop skipping exercise due to poor motivation and start getting a decent night sleep - sign up for our newsletter and be the first to find out when the next challenge starts - July 6, 2020.
In the meantime, what’s the one action you’re taking today, to take better care of your health?
If you can’t wait and you want more information on healthy hacks for increased energy and vitality, send me an email or connect with me on Linked In.
Until then, be well.
Kylee x
When does Understanding our Values, Strengths & Purpose become Important?
What are your talents?
What do you value and what are your core strengths?
You’d like to think these were pretty standard questions when it comes to clarifying what makes us happy, satisfied and engaged; but unfortunately not and unfortunately its not until we get to the “engage” stage of the journey within an organisation that we’re delving into “Building Strengths and Purpose”
I appreciate this is not the case for everyone.
HOWEVER in my 20 years of leadership, I am yet to meet a single person, including those in senior and executive levels who are absolutely clear and confident about their own personal values, strengths, talents and purpose.
It seems a lot of work is done on personality profiles and leadership assessments, or indeed thanks to the work of Gallup, we’re seeing more people doing their strengths profiles - BUT - despite having done the assessments, when asked about their strengths, there is a disconnect in having done the work and being clear about it.
You may, at this point, be wondering, “what’s the point?”
Well, the simple answer: if we want to be happy in our job and life, and we want a job that aligns with what we care about, what’s important to us and one that aligns with our values, then valuing this work is the point.
"How are we ever going to put the right people, into the right roles at the right time, in the right place" if we're not clear about who we are - what are our core values, unique strengths and talents and what environment works best for us?”
Unfortunately, far too many of us make our decision to work a particular company based on the perceived value of the brand, money or status; only to discover 6mths, a year or two later it's not a great fit and we end up just another one of the statistics - 85% of people not engaged or actively disengaged at work.
If we’re ever going to reduce that number, and stop being a statistic, we must disrupt the entire ecosystem - in the meantime, change starts with each and everyone one of us doing the work.
Not sure where to start?
My number one piece of advice is to start simple and start small.
Thanks to a partnership with leading organisational psychologist and expert in the neuroscience of resilience - the access to enhancing satisfaction and wellbeing - we’re making the journey simply by suggesting you start with a small investment in the #1 resilience app Driven Resilience - an AI powered virtual coach that comes with a personalised assessment and report, video tutorials and activities to help you identify your goals and advance towards them despite adversity.
Simply download the app and when you complete the assessment enter the code TPC-COVD - you’ll get 50% off the first two months (paying as little as $6 per month) and 10% off every month thereafter (less than $10 per month) - giving you immediate access to your personalised report, the video tutorials and activities.
Get your personalised report to identify the key areas of resilience to advance despite adversity
The best part - you get 100% clear about the specific areas and activities that would be best and most relevant to you - from any one of the six scientifically proven areas designed to improve resilience, wellbeing and satisfaction all while advancing towards our goals with clarity despite adversity…
6 domains of resilience
Vision and Purpose
Composure & Stress Management
Reasoning & Decision Making
Health (Nutrition, Movement and Sleep)
Tenacity & Self-Motivation
Collaboration & Meaningful Connections.
If you need any help - don’t hesitate to reach out - book a no obligation chat with our Founder Kylee Stone here or send us a message online here.
We may not have any control over what’s happening in the world around us, and while it’s uncertain how much longer this will continue, we must do what we can to take control of those things we can control - and starting with our own sense of satisfaction and wellbeing is a great place to start.
Yours in good health,
Team Performance x
Finding Strength: The Basics and Benefits of Deep Mindful Breathing
Photo by Max van den Oetelaar
Did you know that deep mindful breathing is one of the easiest, most convenient and natural tools we have to combat issues like stress and anxiety, reduce pain, aide in digestion and weight loss and have a positive impact on our thoughts and mood?
Deep mindful breathing has become my favourite practice for disrupting what’s not working and advancing towards my goals no matter what I’m dealing with in life - and let’s just say, having three kids in itself is a lot. Not only is it my favourite practice, but my favourite saying to activate the benefits in flight of any disruption is “and breathe…”
Breathing is something we do every day, without any thought. It’s an automatic process that helps us function as a human being. But when was the last time you stopped and took a slow, deep breath? Probably not as frequent as you think. So, why would we bother?
The benefits:
1) Decrease Stress and Increase Calm. When we become stressed or anxious, our brain releases cortisol, the “stress hormone.” By taking slow and deep breaths, our heart rate slows, more oxygen enters the blood stream and ultimately communicates with the brain to relax. It also ups our endorphins, the “feel good” chemical.
2) Increase Energy and Improve Immunity. When our blood is fully oxygenated, it carries and absorbs nutrients and vitamins more efficiently. Essentially, the cleaner the blood, the harder it is for illnesses to stay in our system. The more oxygen we have in the blood, the better our body functions, improving our overall stamina and energy.
4) Positively Impact Thoughts and Mood. Research has found that mindful breathing both reduces anxiety and increases positive automatic thoughts, both of which have the power to impact our mood. Since mindful breathing provides us with an anchor into our direct experience, the mind slows as we harness our focus. As the mind slows, we gain greater perspective over the habitual thoughts that move through us subconsciously.
4) Better Sleep, Increase Strength and Weight Loss. What holds many of us back from a good night sleep is a racing mind. Mindful breathing provides a distraction for our thoughts so we can finally fall asleep more effortlessly. The body produce the most growth hormone while we’re sleeping, which burns fat, builds and repairs muscles so we can increase strength and lose weight.
The Basics:
There are numerous different breathing exercises we can explore. Given the amount of complexity in our lives already, my advice is to keep it as simple as possible. Start small and advance as you go. Deep mindful breathing requires nothing other than paying attention to the breath – exactly as it is.
Find a comfortable seated or lying down position. Ensure the body is as relaxed as possible and ground yourself by closing your eyes. Bring your attention to the room or space around you and notice how you feel. What do you notice? What emotions are present? What does the air feel like against your skin?
Draw your attention to the breath. Without trying to change or control it. Simply practice observing it exactly as it is. You might notice its pace and depth shift, allow this. Simply hold your focus on each in breath and out breath. Also, observing the brief pause in between each inward and outward movement.
Finally, bring your attention to slowing down the pace of your breath. Take a slow breath all the way in, hold for a count of one. Release the breathe all the way out, then hold for a count of one. As you advance through this practice you may find you can increase the count.
The benefits associated with the breath are infinite. Any stress-related condition (which is much of what we are facing today) can be improved by practicing even the simplest of breathing techniques.
Can’t find the time? Start with sneaking it into the day - when you wake up or go to sleep, when you’re driving or in the shower, when you’re watching tv or reading a boo; and if you prefer structure put a reminder on your phone, or on a post-it note on the bathroom mirror or computer.
What are you waiting for?
Let’s breathe…
13 Practices to Transform Your Life and Achieve Your Goals Despite Uncertainty
There's a silver linking in every crisis, turn change into opportunity, do what makes you happy....⠀
"yeah, yeah... sure"⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It’s easy to say BUT not so easy to do - especially when we’re in the middle of a shit-storm and our brain thrives on control, But..
What if ‘certainty’ was nothing more than an illusion that prevented us from achieving our goals and being a courageous leader - no matter what's happening around us?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
🎯 Truth bomb: Life has been and always will be uncertain..
We all face changes every day – whether it is a simple change in the weather, our schedule or expected change of seasons. Change affects us all and we each deal with change differently. This only constant in life, the only thing we can be sure will happen. - Heraclitus
Change is constant and uncertainty inevitable.
So what can we do to transform our experience of life and rewrite the future from judgement, resentment, anger, sadness and frustration to connected, fulfilled, at peace and thriving in life no matter what’s going on?
Let me be very clear - I am not saying this is easy;
I for one - with three young children only three years apart and juggling the demands of running a business from home, while still very much burdened with at-home caring responsibilities - know how hard it is…
It’s not easy; but it is very possible.
START SMALL…
I was journalling this morning, a habit I started to remind myself of what's important, and in doing so I was reminded of the number of practices I’ve applied over the years to transform my life - many of which I have taken for granted, not realising how many of them are still holding people back from achieving their goals and showing up each day being the best version of themselves.
Habits that are now part of my daily routine to avoid reacting and acting from the limbic (dumb) brain, to one of creating and acting from the prefrontal cortex (our smart brain)..
Two of the most valuable lessons I learnt:
Don’t make this any harder on yourself than necessary. Removing anything out of our life, without some kind of reward is hard. Our brains are wired for "rewards" so its much easier if you can replace ‘unhealthy' habits with 'healthy habits'.. and
Success breeds success so start with replacing just one habit at at time - you gotta trust me on this one, I’ve seen far too many of my clients all ambitious and motivated, attempting to master 2, 3 or 4 at a time, and its predictable they burn out, so just start with one.
Swap ‘Unhealthy’ with ‘Healthy’..⠀⠀
What’s the one action you know to take that you have not been taking - giving up alcohol, exercise or going to bed early perhaps? What can you start doing that know would turn things around for you - like getting out for a break each day? What’s the one unhealthy habit you swap - how about saying no when you mean no (this one has been miraculous for my clients)?
Here’s a list of 13 practices - unhealthy habits you can stop and healthy habits you can start.
Identify the action, then take the action - no matter how you feel, what you think or believed, you must take the action. When we take action, we realise we are much strong than we have been giving ourselves credit for..
Let’s do this…
🛑 STOP saying yes when you mean no 💫 START saying no when you mean no
🛑 STOP filling your schedule with “quantity” 💫 START filling your our schedule with “quality”
🛑 STOP biting off more than you can chew. 💫 START cleaning out your life of unnecessary luxuries
🛑 STOP bitching about other people’s mistakes 💫 START cleaning up your own mistakes
🛑 STOP gossiping about others mishaps 💫 START. speaking with respect and common humanity
🛑 STOP blaming other people for life’s not working for you 💫 START taking responsibility - this is your life
🛑 STOP taking short cuts and cheating yourself and others 💫 START doing what you say you’re going to do
🛑 STOP justifying "unhealthy habits" with 'life's too short' 💫 START with one small healthy habit every day
🛑 STOP using social media to disengage 💫 START engaging with the people who love you
🛑 STOP spending money on unnecessary “things” 💫 START being resourceful, creative and self-sufficient
🛑 STOP over-identifying with external circumstances 💫 START focussing on the strength you have within
🛑 STOP using alcohol to deal with your problems 💫 START drinking more water or seek professional help
🛑 STOP eating processed sugar 💫START eating more nutrient dense foods - greens are a good start.
WHAT’s YOUR PROMISE?
🎯 What's one thing you can stop doing and one thing you can start doingTODAY?
"A thousand mile journey begins with one step" - Lao Tzu
Comment below 👇🏽⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Subscribe to my podcast The Uncharted Leader on Apple or Spotify or sign up for my newsletter to stay connected, inspired and thrive through uncertainty.
Transform your life and advance as a leader💡 Connect with me for coaching 🎯⠀⠀⠀
Kylee
4 Practices to Build a Resilient Mindset and Make WFH Work.
Photo by Slim Emcee (UG) the poet Truth_From_Africa_Photography on Unsplash
It’s possible we're facing one of the biggest crisis in our life-time.
Like many, we’re under immense financial stress - three kids now being home schooled, I've lost all revenue with clients having to lay off thousands and refocus their efforts and my husband’s been unable to pay himself as he fights to keep his business afloat with the staff he has remaining.
BUT…
Despite the devastating impact this is having on our lives financially, there is a silver lining and that’s the opportunity we have to strip our lives back to the bare essentials and focus on what is truly matters - our relationships with each other, and our health and wellbeing.
I've been working from home for the past 5 years, but the added complexities of home schooling three kids is out of this world. What was once a quiet and pleasant experience, has suddenly turned into a hurricane.
It's not easy…
.. having kids at home while juggling work is tough
.. having never done this (work from home thing) before is tough
.. being an extrovert (if you are one) and missing out on social interactions is tough
.. having lost your job or your income is tough
.. having just started a job and worrying about whether you'll still have a job next week is tough
As we embark on this unprecedented level of complexity, I thought it would help to unpack my DO's and DON'T's - things I've learnt - mostly from the mistakes I've made - to make this working from home thing work - and by "making it work" I mean maintaining our mental and physical health and wellbeing, achieving a sense of satisfaction, fulfilment confidence, joy, dignity and connection in our relationships.
4 THINGS YOU CAN START DOING..
PRACTICE #1 Compassion - Be Kind to Yourself - It' Free.
Compassion must start with self. It's impossible to have compassion for others when we're not practicing it ourselves. What good is it if we have compassion for the man who serves us coffee, only to spend the entire day making ourselves wrong for.......everything.
The simple way forward. Firstly, lets remove any expectations you have about how you think life should look, how you think you should be, and what you think you should be doing or not doing... all these "shoulds" manifest as stress..
Remember, most worries are only in the mind, fix your thoughts and the rest will fall into place.
There are two practices I have to forward this game of compassion...
(1) Forgive yourself for everything - forgive yourself for what you did and didn't do today, forgive yourself for what you did and didn't do yesterday, forgive yourself for what you did and didn't do last week, last month, last year or any previous time in your life;
and/ OR.
(2) Focus on what's working instead of what's not - you'll be amazed at how much kinder you can be to yourself when you stop looking at what's not working, and all the mistakes you think you've made, and instead you focus on acknowledging yourself for even just the little things... like the fact you got out of bed, got dressed, home schooled three kids and showed up to work..
PRACTICE #2 Composure - Stop and Breathe (slowly and deeply)
There is no rush to achieve everything at once. While the world as we know it has shut down, and blessed us with the opportunity of taking a much needed break, it's very easy to fall into the habit of working about the clock without coming up for air.
If you're tired, overwhelmed, exhausted, burnout, stressed, sad or worse yet, depressed, it's time to stop. Give yourself a break. Take time out - even if it's 1min to have a glass of water, focus on your breathing and get present to the fact you're alive, that you have a roof over your head, that you have a job, that you have family.. all of that is a blessing worth breathing in.
The point here is to deregulate our limbic (dumb) brain, and regulate our prefrontal cortex - simply said, think smarter and more creatively, and minimise taking action from fight or flight.
My favourite practice - breathing slowly, deeply and mindfully when I get out of bed in the morning, when turning on the computer, making a cup of tea, and driving in the car (especially with the kids).
If you've never done it before, I recommend: The Wim Hoff Breathing Tutorial
PRACTICE #3 Health - Taking Care of Yourself is Not Selfish.
Give yourself some time to make mistakes and discover what works and what doesn't work for you - you must wok that out.l You are no good to anyone, if you fail think about what you need to make this work - especially if you have kids.
There are no hard and fast rules. So what if other people are saying the best way to do this is to be up at 6am, work through until 3pm, then have a break. That may not work for you or your family!
You must find a way to make what you're doing - to work from home - work for you and the people you live with - do what is right, for you.
Before you assist others, always put your oxygen mask on first.
Here's what I do..
I start with making a list of what I need to make it work, eg going for a walk as the very first thing you do for the day, shutting off devices after a certain time, calling a friend or family member at the start of your day to get clear about what's truly important, make a regular time during the day por week to talk with your boss or employees, making sure you feed yourself before you feed everyone else (unless of course you have a baby.
I then make a list of what doesn't work, eg picking up after everyone else because you think its your job, not asking for help and thinking you can handle it all on our own, working before 9am when the kids want our attention.
The last part is simple - do what I know to do and be consistent.
It may take a few days, or even a few weeks before you can settle into a routine - if needed, go back to practices 1 - Compassion and 2 - Stop and Breathe.
PRACTICE #4 Collaborating - Listening is a Gift to Help us Connect
We human beings are weird for connection, so we must find a way to keep ourselves in communication and connected with our family, friends and colleagues.
BUT, remember this, this is not an opportunity to focus on your own our self-interest. This is an opportunity to be self-less, to find out how other people are doing, to take your attention of your own problems just for a moment, to get some perspective on what its like for other people and to offer yourself for support.
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. .
As an aboriginal woman, I am deeply moved by what I believe is one of our most valuable and important skills, our most unique gift, perhaps the greatest gift we can give to our fellow Australians - we call it Dadirri - inner, deep listening and quiet, still awareness.
This is the gift that Australia is longing for.
My recommendation. Check out the composure activities in the Driven Resilience App - I use this personally and professionally. It's scientifically proven to improve our ability to connect, be calm and in control during difficult times - making it easier for us to be present with others, and to listen without judgement.
Download the Drive Resilience AI-Powered Coach (App) - use the code TPC-COVD to get 50% off (only $6 pm for 2 months, and 10% off every month thereafter - valid until May 25).
WHAT NOT TO DO - THE DONT's
Do not take the piss (just because you're working from home, being paid for 7hours a day, does not give you permission to sit on Netflix all day)
Follow other people's rules about how they do this working from home thing, just because you think you "should" - we have no idea what other people are dealing with and what works for them, may not necessarily work for you.
Agree to other peoples requests and secretly hide your resentment, like agreeing to a meeting and then not turning up, or turning up and not pay attention to what's being said. Its rude and worse yet, you're the one who ends up angry, disempowered and disengaged.
Agree to anything you have no intention of doing. Said another way, don't lie - like saying you're working when you're not - make sure you read "Without Integrity Nothing Works")
"An individual is whole and complete when their word is whole and complete, and their word is whole and complete when they honour their word"
Force your rules on the ways you like to work on others, ie manipulation, guilt. Its the quickest way to lose friends and influence (the opposite of Steven Covey's 7 habits of how to win friends and influence people)
These are just a few of my practices, my simple DO's and DON'Ts.
We are all in this together.
You are not alone.
If you want any support - book a FREE - no obligation call here.
In the meantime, Be Well,
Kylee
Uncharted Leadership with Kylee Stone. A Personal Story of Resilience and Courage in Creating a New Paradigm of Leadership.
Hi, I’m Kylee Stone.
I’m a descendent of the stolen generations of the Kulluli and Wakka Wakka nations with an intrinsic talent in the power of storytelling to create meaningful connections.
I acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and I pay my respects to our elders past, present and emerging.
It is not my intention to cause any concern. If while reading my story you experience any concern for your own or others wellbeing, please reach out to your family or any professional support services.
It is my hope that we embrace the power of storytelling, one of the most powerful and valuable contributions of our wisest and most mature culture, to fulfil on what we deeply care about - meaningful connections.
“When we have the courage to walk into our story and own it, we get to write the ending. And when we don’t own our stories of failure, setbacks, and hurt—they own us” - Brene Brown
My purpose is to create a world where people are acknowledged.
My mission is to disrupt the status quo on the traditional views of leadership - that we need a title or a seat at the table to be a leader - and we empower people to realise their potential as leaders by taking action in direct accordance with their Vision, Values, Purpose and Passion while taking care of their own and others wellbeing.
My story…
The Kullilli People are descended from 32 ancestors associated with Kullilli country. My great grandmother, Moola Conbar, was from Thargomindah, 1,000 km west of Brisbane, in South East Queensland.
As a result of the governments forced removal of our people, Moola was moved to the Geddes Family Station in Gladstone. Not long after her arrival she fell pregnant. Despite knowing whether it was consensual, the stations owner denied paternity so she was moved to an aboriginal settlement in Cherbourg.
Moola gave birth to my grandmother, Margaret Jewell Fisher (Maggie), in a local hospital in Murgon and despite her marriage to James (Fisher), my grandmother was taken and placed into a residence for all the half-caste children.
By the time she was 3, she was forcibly removed from the settlement and taken from her family 350km south to the Salvation Army on the Gold Coast where the government believed she would be “better off”.
My grandmother spent 13 years living with a family and working without wages until she found her way to Sydney, married and had four children.
After issues of domestic abuse, my mother (at 5yrs of age with 2yo twin sisters) was moved to the Salvation Army in Canowindra (320 km west of Sydney) where she remained until 15.
One year later, she fell pregnant with me. She was single and 16.
My father, a 17 yo guy who was clearly not ready for parenthood was nowhere to be seen.
As was often the case in those days, pregnancy in youth was forbidden and hidden so my mother was told " if you keep the child you’re not coming home”.
I spent the first four weeks after birth in a room waiting for adoption, while my mother was left alone to deal with one of the most difficult decisions of her life.
One the day I was due to be taken, my mother refused. Despite knowing we’d be homeless she succeeded. The next few years were spent moving from couch, to couch until eventually we we moved into housing commission in Redfern. I had one piece of clothing my mother had made and my bed was the bottom draw in some donated furniture.
Fast forward 3 years, my mother found love and got married. As young as I was I didn’t realise he wasn’t my father until being on holidays I overheard my aunty “You’re not her real father ”. It was a heartbreaking moment of betrayal.
They separated when I was 10. Two years later I was sexually abused by a couple of 21 yo guys. Having found myself in the wrong place at the wrong time, I burdened myself with blame.
Afraid I’d get in trouble if I said anything, I woke up the next morning and, like the judge sentencing a court ruling, I sentenced myself “You need to pretend nothing happened and move on”.
A year later (after clearly traumatising my mother with what became an early dose of drug and alcohol use) we moved. I went to 6 different schools in the first 7 years, 11 schools by the time I completed my HSC.
Believe it, or not, I earned myself the nickname “Smiley Kylee”. I buried my pain and focussed on pleasing others to keep myself safe.
I did not have access to the education or privileges afforded to children raised in a family where conversation around the dinner table sparked a brains trust of knowledge waiting to be launched into the world, but I was none the wiser.
I consider myself blessed with great DNA. I definitely got my brilliance, mathematical talents, strength, resilience and courage from my mother.
I excelled in college with first place honours in business, marketing and sales, landing me with a job working for The Gold Coast Bulletin which, at the time, was the fastest growing media product, and region, in the country.
My timing was impeccable. I had the opportunity to work on the inaugural Indy Grand Prix and twelve months later, thanks to the support of my colleagues, had the privilege of being in The Miss Australia (Gold Coast) Pageant - it was an experience I’ll never forget. And incase you’re wondering, I came second.
I spent 20 years climbing the corporate ladder. I got my first leadership (well, technically “managers”) job at 27 with an extraordinary career working on some of Australia’s most successful media brands, launching Marie Claire, Men’s Health, Body & Soul and Fitness First Media (to name a few).
In 2005 I landed my dream job as the Marketing and Strategy Director at News Corp, leading the NSW Community newspapers.
In 2010 it started to fall apart….
I had a miraculous experience during my return to work with my first two children (born in 2007 and 2009) with two major pay raises and a promotion. It wasn’t until the third child it all went to pieces.
Despite wanting to return to a job I loved, I walked into the office to negotiate the terms while thinking:
“I can’t do this. I can’t take care of three kids and work full-time”
I wanted part-time, but my boss wanted me full-time. I couldn’t see how to make it work without it having a massive impact on the family so I suggested we split the role and my boss agreed.
I lost all the parts of the job I loved - no team, no influence, sitting in the corner office with a view over the boardroom I felt like Baby Haussman in Dirty Dancing (and no-one puts baby in the corner!).
In true Kylee spirit (resilient and determined), I thought:
“What are you doing, Kylee. This is your life! Are you going to sit around and wait for the role of the dice or are you going to do something about it?”
I got a coach. I started reading a pile of books from ‘Google's Search Inside Yourself’ to Robin Sharmers ‘The Leader without a Title’ and ‘The Great Work Of Your Life’. I enrolled in post-grad studies, signed up to the Change Management Institute and got myself a mentor.
I was standing at the cafe, waiting for my morning relief of coffee when a woman at work asked “how are you”.
In true Kylee style (keeping it real), I said…
“honestly, I’m awful. I hate my job, I’m working my ass off, studying part-time, taking care of three kids and pissed off because working part-time somehow equates to not having the same level of intelligence to being a leader and I’ve lost all the parts of the job I love”
I started hosting a mentoring circle for women who we’re going through the same frustrations, challenged with a lack of flexibility in senior leadership positions and desperately wanting to advance as leaders.
That was the beginning of my journey to solve what was undeniably a universal challenge: “How do we fulfil on our life-long ambition to advance as leaders (without having a title) while taking care of our own and others wellbeing”.
Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse. It’s Tuesday March 5, 2014. A day like any other, up at the crack of dawn with three young children. It’s my eldest son’s 7th birthday, my daughter is 6 and my youngest, soon to be 4.
I open an email from our CEO with devastating news that a colleague, and friend, of 15 years had taking his life. He was in his 40s and had two kids. It rocked me to my core.
I arrived home to celebrate my sons birthday and I found myself sitting opposite my husband crying, “the business has gone into administration and we’re going to lose the home”.
We were two weeks-off launching our first event for Team Women Australia. Sharing openly with the team and colleagues, I took two weeks to take care of my family. A month later, I’m sitting with my husband crying, as he braces himself with the courage to tell me he betrayed my trust.
His story is not mine to tell, so I’ll let you read between the lines. Suffice to say, in my world, there could not have been anything worse. It triggered a series of untreated trauma buried in my body from my childhood abuse and so i discovered “the body keeps score”.
We went ahead with the event and despite all the turmoil at home a year later I left News Corp and started The Performance Code, a coaching consultancy specialising in leadership transformation, resilience and wellbeing.
Taking care of my own wellbeing was a priority. On July 23, 2015 I was diagnosed with an auto-immune condition - Hashimotos - an underachieve thyroid - basically the body attacking itself with a big warning to me: its time for you to take care of yourself (and stop worrying about taking care of everyone else).
Did I learn? Not quite.
Despite adversity I showed up.
In 2018 I was acknowledged by NAIDOC “Because Of Her We Can” as one of 13 Indigenous Leaders inbusiness for my contribution to advancing women in leadership where I achieved one of my own dreams, claiming “the moniker of Australia’s Oprah”, I was described as “an irrepressibly curious and effervescent force of nature” and “one of the most authentic leaders of our time”.
“It’s Kylee’s sharp intellect, endless energy, unbridled compassion and no-nonsense approach that earns her the trust and respect of others” - Femeconomy
In early 2020 I became a global ambassador for Driven Resilience and by the end of the year I’d been named LinkedIn Top 20 Voices.
In many ways, the pandemic did me a favour. It was an opportunity to stop doing what I knew wasn’t working - to stop building a business that serves others without taking care of my own financial well-being.
While it appeared natural, and organic, to focus on leadership development, it didn't align with my belief that real transformation in leadership does not, and will not, occur inside the current model of leadership - where the command and control hierarchy prevents people from having the freedom to be courageous and unleash their potential.
After 28 years in the business of storytelling and telling other peoples stories, it was time for me to operate with integrity to share my story and passion for the power of storytelling to create meaningful connections.
With a passion for working with forward-thinking leaders and building brands that align on purpose, I decided to partner Design House Collective, a global brand building company that brings together the worlds leading talent in design thinking, business engineering and organisational transformation.
It is a gift to work with a group of people who collaborate on values, strengths and talents to build brands that align people on purpose and accelerate growth to fulfil their vision and mission.
My greatest wish that we take the wisdom of our indigenous culture, the most matured culture on the planet, and help the western world discover and the power of storytelling to learn, connect and grow.
My story has shaped who I am, it gave my my values, strengths and purpose.
As for the story of the future, that’s one I get to write - a clear vision and mission to create a new paradigm of leadership that empowers people to realise their potential as leaders by taking action in direct accordance with their vision, values, mission and purpose.
It’s not an easy journey but, with the right support and guidance, it is a miraculous one!
If being someone who transforms the way the world works, embraces the power of storytelling and bringing your purpose to life is inspiring to you, then I invite you to join me!
Career Highlights
2021 - Linked In Reconciliation Week Acknowledgement
2020 - LinkedIn Top 20 Voices
2019 - Global Ambassador for Driven Resilience, the world's number one resilience app for mental resilience and wellbeing with a scalable technology platform for organisations to achieve a measurable improvements in individual and organisational performance and welling
2018 - Launched Unleashed Wellbeing organically growing to 18k followers
2018 - Ambassador for National Flexible Working Day; and Featured as one of 13 Indigenous female leaders in the QLD Government “Because of Her We Can” campaign, workshops and speaking engagements supporting International Women’s Day, breaking down social barriers, advancing women in leadership and partnering with consultants and entrepreneurs to impact performance, resilience & wellbeing
2014 - Launched Team Women Australia, a not-for-profit organisation specialising in the power of storytelling to bring women together from different backgrounds, cultures, experiences and interests to advance as leaders in their career, community, business and life.
2013 - National Distribution and Logistics Operations consolidation project. Transformation of an end-to-end supply chain with the objective of aligned functionality with core competencies, reduced operating costs, and improvements in productivity, accountability and employee satisfaction ($41m project)
2010 - Shared Leadership, Company & Product Rebrand. 29 Brand Champions leading an overhaul on established community brands and creating alignment on local heroes and in the peak of digital disruption and a decline in print media achieved +23% growth in readership and 1.8% ($3.9m) growth in revenue in 9 months.
2009 - News Ltd Company Merger & Market Optimisation. Delivering $8m in additional revenue.
2004 - Launched Fitness First’s first-ever custom publishing magazine – a JV with the Federal Publishing Company, our launch edition carried 132 pages, delivered 75k+ distribution and over $100k in advertising revenue.
2001- Launched Body + Soul – News Limited’s first-ever nationally aligned magazine-style newspaper insert across all Sunday newspapers targeting women and increasing revenue +$650k in its first edition.
What’s one thing people would never know about me? I was Runner-Up Miss Gold Coast in 1991.